You obviously have a problem following instructions.
Not really much anyone can do. I wish I had an answer but I've never been able to get us over the hump. We go out, usually have a good time, but she sets the boundaries. If I decide not to play along, I get the silent treatment and she sulks for a while then it goes back to normal...never really great...just OK. And it stays that way, until I happen to mention that I'm not exactly thrilled with "OK". Then the cycle repeats itself.
I've tried to wait it out and just be content that she's not flipping out anymore, but I always run out of steam and we'll probably never know if it's just a "very long phase". Now, it's just getting harder to climb back in the saddle once she's thawed out.
I remember a passage in DR about couples being surveyed and rating their marriage a 7 out of 10 after sticking through this. I always thought "7 out of 10 isn't exactly where I want to be after going through all this." But now I'm wondering if that's the best we can do?
I look at where we are and I just don't think she gets it. Which was alright since I always thought I could figure it out and we'd be OK. But now I don't think that's enough. We can get to "OK" but I need her help to get to great...and I don't think she'll ever get to the point where she's willing to make the extra effort.
Sounds selfish and extremely one-sided, I know. But that's where I'm at right now...maybe I'm just tired but when I try to get her perspective(which isn't often. I don't bring up R very much at all), she just clams up (or hangs up...or reminds me that she put up with this stuff for 20 years...or whatever). More than once I've wanted to say "OK, you're right. You are better at this than I am! You win. Congratulations! I'm outta here."
But aside from that, everything else is going well!
Sooner or later I'll figure something out. In the meantime, y'all take care.
