Hi CCC,
Your situation sounds similar to me. I think of myself as HD. I WANT a sex life. I have an active fantasy life. My SO doesn't bring on those tingly feelings anymore. Sex is so natural and easy with the tingly feelings. "Just do it" didn't bring on more tingly feelings for me either. I want to and have blamed him for not producing those tingly feelings in me. Doesn't initiate right. Doesn't do what I want him to do. Isn't forceful or powerful enough. Asks too many questions.

I think he's in the same place I am. We both want to blame the other for not making us feel all tingly from the start. Not responding with enough enthusiasm. Not having enough desire for the other.

My SO and I would probably disagree over who is the HD one ! Neither one of us wants to stop having a sex life. We just both want to be the one who starts off with the tingly feelings. We both want to feel desire FIRST. We both resent possibly being someone who experiences desire after arousal. That wasn't the way it was in the beginning. We both started with desire. Maybe we don't experience the desire that might come after arousal because of the resentment over having to start without desire. We both want to be seduced more that do the seducing. We both want to be the one who is so attractive to the other that they can't keep help themselves. It's our similarities that are the problem not the differences!

Sex isn't the way we want it to be so it must be the other person's fault!

No help, I know. But that's where we are.