When we first went to a marriage counselor around Oct. '03 (at H's suggestion), I told her about a vision that I had a few times. My H, me, his friends, and his family were all on a boat, and it was sinking. As it continued to sink, I realized that I could only count on myself if I didn't want to die. H was interested in saving his friends and family. This wasn't even a dream; it was something that I could just picture in my head.
When we were first dating, H told me that he would NEVER put me before his friends and family. Although he now says this is not the case, this is something that he still does. Our marriage is secondary to him.
An exercise we did early on in counseling was to identify our values. I had a selective group of things that I deemed valuable; H selected almost every word on the list. Conversely, my word means something while H's is just whatever the other party wants to hear and may or may not be something he intends to honor.
Even though I've forced H to take financial responsiblity for some things (car payment, cell phone) by refusing to cover them, he doesn't contribute a cent to anything above and beyond those items. He promises and promises but, as stated above, his word doesn't necessarily mean anything.
The worst part of all is that I don't even trust him at all, which makes me really sad. He's betrayed me on so many levels that I don't know if trust is even a possibility anymore.
Of course, there's still the sex issue. More empty promises on this one.
I can't think of a single thing that I'm getting out of this relationship, aside from stress and unhappiness. I'm not even sure WHAT I'm hanging onto here.
