It sounds like you are making tremendous progress. What I wouldn't give to have the opportunities you are having.
I know it must be difficult to deal with all those things from the past. But that is just it, the past. We want our SO to forget about all the negative things we have done and said. Now that the shoe is on the other foot, we see how difficult a thing we asked of them.
I guess it all depends on how much you really want this. If I remember it correctly from the beginning, you have wanted this pretty damn bad. So think about that and the pain you went through and how hard you have worked. This is worth it but only if you let it be worth it.
Yeah, I remember giving the same advice to BeingMe and everyone else who was struggling once achieving piecing. I guess it's the normal way the things go. I really do want it to happen (working out) and I'm really seeing how much effort my H is putting into it as well. Just last night in bed he grabbed my hand and said "thank you". When I asked for what, he listed all the things I did for him and also the fact that I'm "so wonderful" and for "being me". It was so sweet, he used to take for granted all the "nurturing" things I did for him because that is not how he needed to feel loved. Now he is ascknowledging all of those little things and admitting that they make up quite a bit of the M.
One thing I forgot to mention - I spoke with MIL last Friday - her aunt passed away and my H was talking to her. She wanted to talk to me (I was hoping I could avoid if for a while until I get more comfortable with her again) and I had hard time covering up the resentment I still feel towards her (the whole request for the OW picture story) and I noticed myself that I came across very cold. She told me that she loves me and she always did and they she told everyone that she loved me. She must have sensed that I'm not comfortable saying it back to her because there was no usual "love you" at the end, I just passed the phone back to my H only saying "stay well". Last night he spoke with her again and was sitting right next to me when I heard her say (it was loud) to my H to have him tell me that she loves me. When he asked her if she wanted to do it herself she must have said something to him about my current attitude because he ended up saying it to me for her but adding that MIL wanted to MAKE SURE that he will tell me that (that she said she loved me)
Funny about the ILY thing from MIL. Mine always says it to me at the end of every call, for years now. I can always tell when she is pissed at us/me for somthing cause she won't say it even if I say it first (sheesh, now i know where H got it from! ). One of the tougher things I am gonna have a hard time with is losing contact with MIL/SIL. I used to talk to my MIL at least 4 times a week, SIL once a month. They have assured me they still want me as family, and i always feel so supported and loved by them when i do talk to them. ut H is their blood, and I know it won't always be this way. Especially if he remarries. My SIL will proabably stay closer to me than MIL, cause SIL has seen H always getting what he wants all his life and being a brat, and always come out smelling like a rose. She did tell me that she and MIL KNOW that H tried to make me the bad guy so he could leave,and that made me feel so much better. They know how he can be, so that helps too. My relationship with my Mom and Dad (dad is gone now) was pretty dysfunctioal ,so H's family was like "leave it to Beaver" normal for me. It was nice. But there must be some issues there, cause I see the dynamic between H and his siter and his Mom (his dad is gone as well).
I thinks its great that your H is FINALLY giving you crdit for all the nuturing you did. While it may not be part of the love language he wants, its nice that he does appreciate your efforts. i am hoping that my h will find that I also did do alot for him, and he will miss that.
I am kinda new! I am not married but i am in a realtionship were i am kinda confiussed about what to do. I am going out with a guy who has me over to spend the nigt on the weekeds and stuff, but most of the time he seems to not want to hang out wiith me.. I talk to him about it and he didn't say much but he kinda gts mad at me when i say something about it. But i don't really know what to do. because i love him so much and i don't wan to break up. he is always asking me why i don't trust him cus i am always asking him if he cheats on me and he says e doesn't. We got into a firght today, and i maade him cry and i don't know really what he was crying about. But then he came over and we didn't talk much, then he left, and almost didn't say bye, but hen i talked to him online and he was saying that if i couldn't trust him and if i was always scared that we should breeak up and i was kinda scared and i cryed then iwas like idon't want that and he said he didn't eaithe but i needed to trust him.. what should i do about this, what do u think is going one here, i am trying to figure out what to do but i really don't know wheather i should bescared or to trust him.
When you say he has you over on weekends but doesn't want to hang out with you - just what does this mean? Does it mean he doesn't want to spend every second with you, that he has a life and male friends and work etc. while you haven't got much in your life but him? If so, then I'd say his response is normal, and you've got some issues of your own you need to work out.
On the other hand, if this is a guy who is willing to see you for a booty call late Saturday night, but hasn't introduced you to his friends and family or made you a part of his life, or who is constantly hiding his whereabouts and taking cell phone calls in another room etc. - well, there are some cheating guys out there who are pretty good at convincing the women they are with that the woman is crazy.
So which is it - are you a clingy nutcase, or is he cheating slimebucket? Or is he, maybe, as the book says "just not that into you?" (altho that doesn't seem so likely if you made him cry).
So how about some more details - how long have you been dating, etc.?
