Just caught up with your sitch. Wow! Congratulations on the D being pulled! That is what so many of us hope for and are working toward!
Sounds like now the real work has begun. There will be a time to work through your resentments about the A. But now there may be a greater need to lay a stronger foundation for the R - using DB skills and your self-work to strengthen your and H's shaken trust in each other while maintaining your own energy/health. The sexual side effects of his meds points to the need to eventually address his depression with some behavior and thought changes. Is he in IC? It might be helpful to address this indirectly through a boost in activities that both of you enjoy - kind of killing 2 birds with 1 stone: addressing his dep while pursuing quality time and old/new interests/memory making together. Although his Dep is not your responsibility.
Your visit to Chicago to see family sounds like a nice move. Touching base with your roots, and feeding off that support. Ultimately though, you've got to self-support and stay an individual for your new R to work.
I'm very happy for you, Crushed! Keep us posted on your work when you get back. Safe travels.
