I am a lesbian from the get go and I have never been in an R with a man. I know many women who have had a slower awakening, but I haven't been there myself. I'm over in Newcomers, pining away for my partner. I come over to the SSM forum to visit my buddy Ron and am easily distracted by the other discussions here.
Quote: It seems to have something to do with identity too, but I'm pretty dense here. Is there something in particular I should read?
Gosh, maybe, but I can't think what off the top of my head. All I can tell you, to try to get an inkling of what W is going through, is to imagine what it would be like if you were gay. It may be hard for you to imagine being attracted to men, but suppose you could wrap your brain around that. Then what? What could you imagine your life being like (even without the complication of a current R)? What would daily life be like if you dated or lived with a man?
I suspect that your brain has some resistance to following these lines of thought. They are very foreign and scary. I'm sure that's a lot of what W is going through. She has a lot of soul searching to do.
Quote: Can you say more? If you were my wife, and I were to ask you this question, what would you say? It's only been 10 days for us, and I'm not sure that I can ask her this question right now (she's wanting me to back off on the "will we ever have sex again" question and let her work on some things with her therapist first).
Yeah, don't rush with that one, but keep it in your mind. Maybe she wishes that you would listen like a woman. Maybe she loves you because you do. Maybe she'd like it better if you were smoother and softer. I don't know. You can't be a woman, but you can be willing to be more like a woman in ways that W would appreciate. If that's the case, then find a non-pressuring way to let her know that. Start by focusing on the non-sex aspects.
I'm hoping that y'all are able to maintain a sense of humor throughout. "Oh honey, that's okay. I'll just get a sex change and everything will be fine. Then we can go to the women's music festivals together and everything."
BTW, does W know about your affairs? And why is nobody willing to stay together for the kids?
