Quote: Oh, I thought you when you said she was clearly closed to the possibility of a sex now or in the future, she was dismissing your needs. If she is open to talking, listening. loving, that is different. Never is a long time.
Well, she was saying never, and wanting me to agree to it. We finally settled on this: Right now, she feels like never. That may change. Right now, I'm giving her space.
We also found a way to make room for me to be aroused by her. If I'm aroused, she says she finds it flattering, as long as I don't insist on her having sex with me.
Quote: I am not sure I understand how having sex about every leap year is seen as pressure by her? Was this always her stance?
Her classic line was, "I know you're not pressuring me to have sex, but I can tell that you really, really want it, I can feel that every day, and that's pressure." Now at least she's learning to live with me really wanting it, and we're caring about each other's needs, if not meeting them.
Quote: I understand that this is hard for you. I understand ( trust me, I do) that it may be a confusing time for her. When you say "coming out" do you mean to you...or to herself?
She came out to herself 10 days earlier - I had been in Australia at the time, so she had 10 days to adjust, think, write, masturbate, and consider how to break the news to me.
Quote: And I understand lots of couples live happily in relationships without sex.
The "without sex" part won't be the part that makes me happy. But she's been a witness to my life for 28 years, my wife for 22, the mother of our three children, she understands me in a way nobody else can. I don't cut off my head when I have a headache.
Quote: I was not trying to sound that harsh. I guess the whole...not now or ever thing sounded so dismissive.
Well...it is dismissive. And that's why I didn't agree to a forever clause. For now, I think it's good to give her space.
You weren't harsh, you were expressing strong feelings. And maybe saying the same thing I was saying 8 months ago. Maybe I'll say it again in a year ;->
