...and there are many new faces. it will take me quite a while to get up to speed on everyone's sitch, but i had to make a post because i feel i am at a crossroads and i need the support that is to be found on this wonderful forum.
for the oldtimers, i have changed my name. i had an episode recently where i really didn't want family members to find me on here so i changed the old name and i have started a whole new identity.
i had divulged way too much in some posts that i would rather they not know.
once you figure out who i am, i ask that you refrain from using my old name, or my real name as many of you do know it. i have reasons for my anonymity that i care not to get into at this time.
that being said - i wanted to get the "first" post over with - get it down and commit myself to posting once again. i need to get back into db'n something fierce and like i said before, the support to be found here is incredible!!!
well...it's good to be back...and to help those old-timers around here (sage, psluke, lostlove, kaw, eml (ellie), pib (your PREGNANT???), underdog, holding on, shinybear, triplej, mal, almost gone, and many others that names escape right now) my previous screen-name had something to do with felines.............
Hey sweetie, I'm glad you are back. I can use a helicopter pilot. Betsey and I are aboard the D train and too often I have my head out the window and get whacked by heavy emotions... today for example.
Let my H tell me again how I kept him from caring for his mother right before he died and how I never let him touch me. It's been a wonderful day.
Funny, though, he still talked about suicide. How he understood why some people leave it all here... why bring that up if he is so happy...
Oh well... I CAN'T pick up that rope and I won't.
I hope things are well for you.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
wow, it's so good that you all remember, how good that feels!!!
underdog - enjoyed our chat last night, girlfriend it has been way too long! gosh, to be likened to e e cummiings, i am all perklempt i see that you and h'on are both in hopefulness - will be visiting there soon - lots of good insight in that forum - good to be back
holdingon - helicopter pilot to the rescue!!! sorry sweetie that you have had a rough time of it lately, i really need to catch up on all that i missed to see where you are in the forest. to tell you the truth h'on, your husband bringing that stuff up again only shows me that he isn't thru processing all that he has done, and is still looking to blame another for his actions. that sure is a tough boat to be in...tough for him and tough for the ones around him...i had actually heard thru the grapevine about kaw but didn't hear anything else, so i am looking forward to an update from him
ellie - hehe - that is so kewl to know! same wavelength and all, are we in the twilight zone? - i have lots of catching up to do and i sure do need to bring everyone up to speed around here!!!
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hey thanks ya'll for the nice welcome back. i am collecting my thoughts for an update post. it sure takes awhile when you haven't been online in forever!!!
Wow! It has been a long time. So long, I had to fight to remember my login and password. And since this little birdie told me that you posted, I thought I might come out of DB retirement and post myself.
We've chatted and emailed a few times and as always, it is so nice to hear and see you.
I look forward to lurking on your thread! hahahaha and posting a time or two here and there.
Triple J
Things were different then. All is different now. I tried to explain, somehow..........
Eddie Vedder (Pearl Jam)
sage - *waving frantically* HI!!! so kewl that you remembered lil ole me!!! i will be updating soon dont you worry ... and i will be needing your 'sage' advice...LOL
triplej - a little birdie eh??? oh yeah, i know that little birdie...hehe - feel free to lurk all you want - just come by everyonce in a while to give me the "mans" point of view!!! it's good to be back
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been away all day so i haven't had a chance to gather my thoughts for an update...will be catching up tomorrow, i promise!
as i sit here contemplating what to write, how to update everyone on my sitch, i am at a loss. when i posted the above i was all ready to spill my story and create a massive pity party for me.
as i slowly get caught up with other's sitch tho, i wonder if i even have any issues. well wait, i have issues - there is no doubt, who doesn't, it's just are they as moutainlike i have made them in my mind or are they just molehills in reality?
perception is a funny thing...walk a mile in someone else's shoes...
so sitting here, i am trying to put my "issue" in one word. if i could possibly wrap all of my perceived problems into one word, what would it be?
resentment
yup, that is it in a nutshell. it's almost been two years since the bomb and i am harboring a ton of resentment, but keeping it all inside - and i gotta tell you, it aint pretty.
so now that i have come to an epiphany in the wee hours of the morning, let me "consider" this and come to some conclusions of what i am exactly resentful of. just saying that has brought a flood of thoughts into my head...
thought i was past all this...
ugh
see there peeps? just two days on the board and it's already done me a world of good.
Betsey 
i see that you and h'on are both in hopefulness - will be visiting there soon - lots of good insight in that forum - good to be back
