Thanks this feels so much better to talk about and get this enormous weight off me, the sad part is it will never be totally off of me for the rest of my life I truly hope and beleive this will be the start of the end of this affair. I am concerned about my family and want no harm to come to them, but realize the most harmful thing out there to them is what I'm doing. I can't live with that anymore it is like I'm someone I don't even know myself. No one has a clue about this nor expects anything, I am not being crazy about it or doing the normal lying working late, going out with "friends" type things to be with her. My family still comes first and if a situation arises to be with the ow that is when it happens. This is all very hypocritical I know it is crazy regardless and im not putting my family first by even doing this. the ow is not married and did not want to do this either we both tried to refrain and knew it was wrong her ex's cheated on her and she did not want to hurt a marriage so we both feel guilty so you would think it would be easy to end it, but it isn't im starting to think she doesn't feel as bad anymore? The reason for it now the only thing I can think of is physical it is good and different not nessicarily better but different. I feel guilty even talking about that part of it. When I think about it my W and the ow are very similar nice attractive kind sweet caring.... so it isn't that the ow is better looking or totally different or anything. I love my wife i don't love the ow I thought I might have at one point but know for sure I don't and I feel guilt sometimes that I'm just using her but I think that is probably mutual. Again therefore it should be easy to end. Even though love isn't there we still like each other and get along really well. I always hope she would find a nice better guy than me and end it with me. The problem is I gues for it to end everything has to end no talking no seeing each other no emails no nothing cause everytime we end the physical but continue talking it leads right back to the physical. I don't fight or argue with my wife nor the ow, I wish the ow and I would fight or get mad at each other enough to help end things too. It is hard to end things on a friendly basis.
I'm going to end it though i need to commit to loving and not hurting the ones I love the most and who are the world to me. Which is also why I can't tell this to anyone nor will it would hurt them too much, I would rather have the pain and guilt with me, then causing everyone pain.
I'm so thankful to hear peoples input and support I will answer any question or take any advice. Don't hold any punches either if I'm being a dumb a$$ about anything I'm saying tell me.
