I too admire you for looking for answers. The book deb suggested is a very good read. My question who breaks off and who starts it back up?
As for a friend with benefits I don't have friends that are true friends that would allow me to continue to hurt my family. the ow is getting something out of and it isn't friendship. What need does this woman meet that you wife doesn't? Have you thought about what will happen if the wife finds out? Have you thought that maybe telling her would be easier than for someone else to tell her or for her to find out on her own. That was a big for me I asked and H would lie and I became obsessed with finding out the truth. Don't get me wrong I love my H and want my M but there is so much more than just the cheating to deal with. If he had come to me and told me yes I would have been mad and upset but to have to deal with all the lies and wondering what part of my life is the truth and which parts are lies kills me. It would have been several days of ranting and raving but in the end I still want my M. By telling your wife and after days of her dealing with the knowledge if she wants the M she may be able to help you end if for good. In the end you have to decide which is more important sex with this woman or your family. Stop thinking of you start thinking of them and the life you now have.
the damage will not only effect you and your wife but the children and the extended family as well. End it now and come clean don't leave it out there to be discovered by someone else. What does the woman say about how you feel or do you not discuss that? Is she married as well? Could she possible tell the wife?
If you truly want to end it then do it for them if not for yourself. There are alot of things people say they are addicted to but they know when to stop and get help. Maybe you should talk to a pastor or counselor.If you can't stop on your own and leave it be. get the help you need. Coming here will give you someplace to work it out but you may need more than just to hear others ideas.
My H had several afairs and they all started out as friends he says I told him the same thing a friend would not help you hurt your marriage and your self. Oh one time my have been just it happened but to keep going back honey that woman is not your friend. Stop thinking that she is.I know first hand what it feels like to learn someone you love and trust has betrayed you has lied about everything for years has shared a part of themselves with someone else has cheated me of what God said was mine and mine alone. Now my husband was different from you he left me for the other woman he still thinks he loves her and he owes her a chance because they kept the affair hidden. What does he think he owes me I love him and have been his wife for 22 years. why did I not get a chance? Yes he still says he loves me also. It's just that I keep reminding him of what he has done and she is fun and gives him what he wants in bed. Is that guilt maybe don't let it get that far with you.
Save your marriage and protect your family. Stop saying you want it to end END IT. Only you can do that. Nice normal men have affairs but a really big nice normal man knows when to stop before he self destructs. You take care of you and let her take care of her. Do what your heart tells you to do. That I think will help you get rid of some of the guilt. Put a rubber band on your wrist snap yourself when you feel like cheating. Get a picture of your wife and look at it when you feel like cheating or your children. Find something you want more than sex with that woman. Dig deep down and find the willpower to stop. You have it in you or you would not have come here for help. Be the man God wants you to be be the man who looks himself in the mirror and likes and respects the man who looks back. You can do it I know you can.
It took courage to come here and it will take even more to end it. But know that you can and believe that you will and do it.
I do admire you and I know it must be hard to feel the way your are feeling but you can end it. We are all here when you need help or when you need to vent. So come here not the other woman.
