You definitely aren't alone. I'm 37 my H is 43...and what you've described, minus the affair (although I'll admit I've been very tempted) arguments & abuse is our life to a "T".
What it took for me to get through to my H that I was serious about our situation is this....I had to tell him that we either sought out counseling or we wouldn't have another anniversary. I meant it too. I was willing to back that statement up.
IMO you need to tell him what the consequences will be if this issue is not addressed. The physical abuse is completely unacceptable however and scares me...this type of thing never gets better without help.
Are you willing to stay in this marriage if he doesn't agree to help?
