Corri, I think this would be a real good time for the serenity prayer... especially the part about the wisdom to know the difference between what you can control and what you can't. Remember that boundary setting is just that. A boundary tells the other person what your limits are. A boundary does not make a person do what you want them to do.
You are trying to control him because you believe you know what's best and how it will all turn out and he, by God, is not going to let you do that. If the way you're approaching him is one-tenth of the intensity you're showing here, you are screaming your lack of trust to the high heavens. Is there anything about this situation that you can use to find a speck of trust in him that he will not destroy the family? Because if you can see the future so clearly and truly believe deep in your heart of hearts that he is taking the family on a path to destruction, then there is no point in hanging around or even discussing it further.
Do you have any trust left at all? I'm not saying you should... maybe he has exhausted your well of trust completely...
I think he's seeing himself as a warrior who is going off to battle, and you're telling him to be home by dinner, pack a lunch, wear your long underwear, don't drink the water, and above all don't take any risks or fall off your horse or anything... I'm not saying it's right... but you have made yourself his enemy here. Maybe you're right, but would you rather be right or get the job done? (Where has that come up before?)
Can you approach him with your heart open, feeling and showing your vulnerability, weapon holstered, hands showing... and just let him talk? Accept and agree with everything he says and see what it feels like to trust him? Surprise him: don't bust his balls for once and THEN see what he does.
