Although I still believe that many women just don't understand the relationship between a man and his job, or the gratification and self-esteem bound up in it, I do think I was wrong about your H. I was overstating it in my other post, but I wanted you to understand that from the male perspective there are many times when you want to be home with your family, but feel the need to be at work. But that shouldn't be an all the time thing. It shouldn't be to the extent that it's detrimental to your family. That’s what I was getting at with the dishes and laundry analogy – you won’t neglect your kids’ needs in order to have a spotless house, but there are times when you have to give up time with the kids in order to do the things that simply must be done to keep the household running. Having said that, I think your H has taken things too far.
You’re so much better at this than I am that I’m loath to offer anything – but I will ask some questions. Have you made it clear to H that his work schedule is damaging your R? What does he say? Has he finally discussed the new position with you?
Retirement, or impending retirement can be a scary thing. When so much of your life and so much of your image of yourself has been related to work for so many years, having that taken away from you can be a scary proposition. It’s a lot like graduating from high school: your life as you know it is ending and the future is a big unknown. Could your H be trying to deal with that? The future is unknown and a little scary, so rather than facing it, he’s redoubling his efforts where he’s comfortable and secure? We’ve all done the “I’m not listening” thing while stepping up the pace of whatever we’re doing so we can block out whatever it is we’re blocking out.
