Quote: Yeah, everyone can have it worse. No doubt about that. When in the bowels of self-pity, it is best to count your blessings, hm?
No, I was not referring to you, that was meant for myself.
In the midst of all this whining I've been doing, I was able to figure it out. And it all ties back to the same issue that everyone here on this board is so frustrated about: your partner acknowledging there is a problem and stepping up to the plate.
I want my H to be happy, and if his job makes him happy I don't want to keep that from him. What I do have issue with is that he can spend 60+ hours a week giving his all to a job, but he cannot find the time nor the interest in giving the same energy to solving our R problems.
We understand that he needs more affection and LM. I asked him tonight, again, what he was doing to solve the problem, not just complaining about it. He can't answer the question.
I can't solve OUR problems by myself, even if I wanted to (and I've tried, believe me I have). He avoids our problems, for a variety of reasons. So when I see a man willing to commit even more time to a job, and even less time to our problems, I get really mad (no really hurt), especially when he has the gall to complain to me that I'm just not doing enough.
I don't need him to run the kids, or sweep the floor, or do the laundry or go to the grocery. I need his effort in helping me fix our R, and that is the one thing he has not been able to give. And if he takes this job, even more, he will be too tired, or too stressed, or too this, or too that... you all know the drill.
His lack of effort is unacceptable. Just like an LDs lack of effort is unacceptable. Just like anyone's lack of effort is unacceptable.
I don't want to project onto to JJ (so forgive me if I am), but I am caught in the same fears she has. If I don't make the efforts for him, and constantly remind him and nudge him and prod him... I'm afraid it will all fall apart, for he has done nothing to show me he can or will... in fact, his actions lead me to believe he won't. That scares me.
Which means I am being controlling. And I have GOT to STOP it. Without his participation, I can only work on me. I can't hold it together for the both of us, just like none of you can either. I've got to own that and accept it, stay true to myself, and hope like he!! that his efforts come sooner rather than later.
