Corri: some men need work to feel good about themselves. Several guys on this board have voiced that belief. I think more men tend to be this way, and frankly, I admire the hell out of them for it! Was your H's professionalism one of the things that attracted you to him in the first place?
My late husband was this way. It's partly a generational thing. I'm 56; my H was nine years older. When he became disabled and couldn't work, it was harder to bear than the kidney transplant and leg amputation. It took me years to convince him that working at what HE wanted was indeed valuable. So in the last few years of his life, he became a potter and also a volunteer docent at a local history museum where the staff and other volunteers ADORED him. I know he felt valuable and productive once again and it made me happy.
I do freelance work and do just enough to get by. My identity is not tied to my work the way it is with some people. I have next to no ambition where $$$ is concerned. If I have enough money to buy books, I'm happy.
You're casting this dispute in terms of "me or the job." I don't think that's a fair choice any more than honey's "do you love me or the kids more."
Something else... some of the people on this board affectionately refer to you as a "ball-buster" because of your incisive, firm, sometimes categorical way of stating your point of view...if you express yourself this way at home, I wonder... when your H shot off in your mouth and then made a career decision without consulting you-- was that his way of saying he's tired of you busting his balls?
