Slept on the couch last night. Fell asleep there reading my book and just got too comfy and warm to get up.
H wakes me up this morning and says that he wants to talk through the 'job' with me. Says ILY and heads on out the door.
Just to clear up some things some of you have alluded to: I am 38 and my H is 56. Because of our age difference, he can be, at times, very patronizing. I had to learn to stand up to that.
H started working full-time at 21. He retired from his job 3 or 4 years ago and was rehired the next day in the exact same job. He's pulling in retirement and salary (this made the most financial sense for him to do, otherwise, he was losing money staying in his job). The plan -- at the time -- was that he would work for another 3 to 5 years, and then call it quits. Between his retirment, what I can earn in my profession, and a job that is far less demanding but certainly rewarding for him, we'd have minimal adjusting to do in terms of standard of living (which is a whole other issue, don't get me started).
In short, we have lots and lots of options open to us. But the plan keeps changing because he keeps changing it. Instead of working less, he is working more. We have two young sons who are also being deprived of his attention. And quite frankly, I am lonely as hell. When we spend time together, we talk about his life. His interests.
JJ, you asked me what I'd like to do with him if he were at home more. I don't know, but I'd sure like to find out.
Do you all realize that H and I are in a position that we could throw a dart at the map and move to any place in the country we wanted? We could open a suntan lotion hut on the beach, and rent out boogie boards to the tourists. We could completely downsize our home and spend our entire summers traveling around the country. My work goes with me. I can do it from anywhere, and with a little cultivating, it could grow into something lucrative. He could even help with it while he does some of his own consulting gigs. With a little bit of thought and planning, we could make money and have fun together as a family.
But see, this is too cooperative. I have always fit into HIS life, and for various and sundry reasons over the years, I have been waiting on him to work with me in creating OUR life. You know, there is that old adage that you spend your health making money, and then you spend your money recovering your health.
Two years ago, I quit my dream job. My own star was rising, but it was in the midst of my marriage collapsing and some real stinky political crap going on where I worked. Right at that time is when all of the promotions were starting with the H. I took a long hard look at my life. If I stayed in my job and fought the good fight and put in 90% of my energy riding my own star, there was a good chance my M wasn't going to make it.
I asked for a D in Oct. 2001. I found Michele's book in April 2002. Between Feb. and April, shitola was really hitting the fan at work. I was afraid of giving up the security of my own job, but someone had to do something or it was all going to fall apart. H and I discussed it and I resigned in May. I walked away, figuring I could freelance if I needed something to keep me busy during the day, feed my creative needs.
In the midst of all that we had made, for the first time, what I thought was a joint-long range plan for ourselves, which was outlined above.
I have not regreted my decision (especially in view of the fact that the atmosphere where I worked only continued to get worse and worse. A few months ago, the managers that were causing all the political bs where I had worked were all fired). Over these two years, I've grown and learned quite a bit about myself. I could not have done that if it weren't for my H.
So maybe I am asking too much of him. Maybe not. Since I don't really know WHAT to do, I'm not going to do anything for now and just see how things unfold.
