Dunno

[MJontheMend]

I'm going to have to play devil's advocate (Corri's H being the devil).

I know two things about your H. He likes sex and lots of it and he enjoys his job. You would like him to spend more time at home. What specific activities do you imagine him participating in when he is home more? Are these activities that he enjoys or just activities that you enjoy and think he should enjoy more?

I've been thinking more about the issue of intimacy. You made the following statement on my thread:

Sex doesn't lead to intimacy. Intimacy leads to sex.

I don't think this is exactly true. It depends on how you define "intimacy". I think you are defining intimacy as "time and attention given to the relationship". That seems like the logical way to regard it, but it just isn't right. For instance, my baby sister gave me a phone call on my bday. We are both busy people, live at a distance and sometimes we will go for monthes without talking with each other, but anytime we do interact, we instantly fall into a comfortable loving repoire and enjoy the interaction a great deal. I would say the reason this is true is because we are "intimate" with each other.

Sex is an activity that can lend intimacy to a relationship if both people enjoy it and believe that it can. Conversation is an activity that can lend intimacy to a realtionship if both people enjoy it (like me and my sister) and believe that it can. Bowling is an activity that can lend intimacy to a relationship if both people enjoy it and believe that it can.

You see where I'm going with this. I'm a bookworm. My H isn't, therefore my solitary activity of reading does not lend any intimacy to our relationship because my H doesn't even enjoy discussing books. Your H is a bit of a workaholic. This activity does not add any intimacy to your relationship because you are not directly involved in his work and do not take any great interest in it (like you might if you were very materialistic). In both our marriages, sex only adds a limited amount of intimacy because one spouse only takes limited enjoyment in it and doesn't believe that it increases intimacy as much as other activities might.

I guess I'm wondering for both you and me, what are the activities that will increase intimacy in our relationships?