Dunno

[SolidMechanic]

Corri,

I have much compassion for you because the way your H is acting is similar to how I have treated my family. By making the accusation,

ME: "You now get home on average 7:30 - 8 p.m. every night. Seems to me you are enjoying your work life way more than your home life."

you are putting your H on the defensive. FWIW, I think you are correct and just smashed him in the head with a 2X4. Maybe you need to present it to him in a way that tells him how his behavior affects you, rather than presenting your hypotheses about his motives:

You spend so much time at work, we feel abandoned (it's OK to represent your kids here IMO).

You've made a decision about your career that affects all of us, but you didn't consult with me first.

Other than that, you brought up the issue that needed to be said, and I salute your courage for wielding the lumber.

Men are frequently brought up to slay the dragon and rescue the fair maiden. We mistakenly think that all we need to do to get the maiden is to slay the dragon. It sometimes takes a 2X4 in the head for men like your H (and me and Wildebube) to learn that slaying the dragon and winning the maiden are two separate and somewhat independent activities, and that we need to balance the two activities in order to succeed at both. And we are loathe to admit, even to ourselves, that slaying dragons is easier and more fun than winning the affections of our fair maidens, but that winning the fair maiden is ultimately more rewarding.

SM