Needed a new thread, and I think subject lines suck. I can never think of good ones.
We had the hockey issue come up again tonight. H calls and says he can pick up S11 from practice (he got done at 8:15 tonight). I asked him what time he would be there because S9 wanted to go in and hang out at the arena while his bro practiced (kids have been out of school since last Tuesday due to weather... everybody has cabin fever). I wanted to know what time he'd be there because I didn't want to leave S9 running around with no parent, or I'd stay at hockey practice, in which case, H didn't need to pick up son.
H says he'd be there at 7. I said, are you sure? He said, have S9 call me to make sure I am. I said, no, decide if you are going to be there. You are the adult. S9 doesn't need to be calling you to remind you of that. H says he'll be there by 7.
I drop the kids off at 6:40. I tell S9 to call me if H is not there by 7. I got home. I get a call from S9 at 7:10 saying H is not there and he wants me to come back in and get him. So I do. I didn't call H because I thought surely he would be there by the time I got there and I'd just explain it then. Get there, no H. S9 and I leave at 7:25.
I get a call at 7:35 from H wondering where S9 is. He asks, 'why didn't you call me and tell me you had S9? Why didn't he call me?'
ME: I had intended on calling you, I just walked in the door. Had you been where you said you were going to be at the time you said you'd be there, we wouldn't have an issue. DO NOT take issue with S9 for not calling. It wasn't HIS job.
H comes home at 8:30ish with S11 and says sorry to S9. After H eats dinner, we have a lovely little chat, oh, say about 9ish that he talk with the Prez today about his position, tells the Prez he'd like to be a candidate for the job, and wants to know if he doesn't get the job, will he have his old job to go back to? Prez says he's doing great, loves to hear H is interested in job, glad to know he will be applying (really? news to me...) and yes, if he doesn't get it, he has a job, not to worry. If H does get job, he will be looking for a 3 to 5 year commitment.
ME: "oh, so you are applying? did you tell the Prez we had yet to discuss that?
H: "no, I didn't say that to him."
Long pause.
ME: "So let me get this staight. Two years ago, you said you would be retired from X Place (and we'd go do something else... was working too much, wanted to take it easier)... by last June. This job comes up and you say, "I am only going to do this for a year." Now we are potentially looking at a 3 to 5 year commitment.
H: "Yeah?"
Long pause.
ME: "You now get home on average 7:30 - 8 p.m. every night. Seems to me you are enjoying your work life way more than your home life."
HIM: "That's not true! I'd much rather be here. There is just a lot of responsibility with this job."
ME: "You'd much rather be here? Really? Why should I believe that? Your actions say you'd much rather be at work than anywhere else. Everything, everything comes second to the job."
HIM: "There is a lot of stuff going on right now and you know that...
ME: "I know of little else."
HIM: "It's a great challenge for me, intellectually stimulating... it's a challenge for me to see if I can do it"
ME: "You didn't answer my question. You tell me you would much rather be home, yet your work hours and your actions say differently. The Prez says you have a job to go back to, yet you say you are going to apply for this job. I'll ask again. Why should I believe you when you say that you would much rather be at home than anywhere else, when clearly that is not the case?"
HIM: "Why don't you just come out and say whatever it is you are wanting to say."
ME: "I have. Twice now. I will ask it one more time. Why should I believe you when you say that you would much rather be at home than anywhere else, when clearly that is not the case?"
Long pause. He finally looks at me.
Him: "What do you want me to say?"
That took the wind right outta me. I get up to leave the room.
HIM: "Oh, yeah, like you'd want me here more anyway."
ME: "How would you know? That is such a friggin' cop out. I'm sorry you've chosen to get defensive rather than address the issue with me."
I had to get the kids moving for bed, H picks up a catalog and starts reading... do the teeth brushing and the tuck ins, and now its time for H to go to bed. Has to be up early, you know. It's 10:10 p.m.
ME: "So you are going to bed now?"
HIM: "Yeah."
ME: "Okay then, you have a great night."
HIM: Where are you going?
ME: "I'm going downstairs to read. I'm not tired."
And that. Was that.
It occurred to me that I am in the same boat a lot of you folks are in. My spouse is in complete denial (or is completely uninterested in the fact) that there is a problem in our R. He just wants more sex.
And I, like most of you, have been turning cartwheels to get my spouse to notice.
The definition of insanity is doing the same behavior repeatedly, yet expecting different results. I don't know about all of you, but my head has had all it can take from banging it against a wall that refuses to budge.
I'm not heading to D-Court, in case any of you might think that. I don't know what to think or do, actually. There isn't much I can do, except take care of me. And the kids. And the dog. And the cat.
