When she kisses you in what you describe as a patronizing manner...do you tell her that, that is unacceptable? Or do you say nothing and get angry about it?
If I understand your last post correctly...you have talked to her, at least in some fashion...but even in your post you're pretty vague CeMar as to what you've said. You leave me wondering if your conversations (as well intentioned as they may be) end up that vague as well...what exactly did you talk about? How specific were you with her? I have to wonder if she isn't thinking that you come at her with all this stuff she's not doing....so where does she start? If she tries to tackle all of it, it seems impossible...so it's easier not to do anything.
In short...I don't think your wife really understands her marriage to you is in jeapordy.
I guess what I'm saying here is this. Tell her the two of you need to sit down and have a serious talk about your R, make a date to do this...after the kids are in bed, whatever. Tell her you need to explain how the lack of "intimacy" affects you. I say intimacy because your issue is more than sex. Spell it out...and then ask her if she wants this marriage to work. If so ask her to pick something you've listed that she's willing to work on and work on that. Then when that improves (hopefully) you pick something else and so on. Tackle these things systematically. Who knows it may work.
One more thing...on the kissing issue. Are you sure you are kissing her the way she likes to be kissed? That's not to say you are a bad kisser...but some people like different styles better. Some women like to be kissed hard, some don't. Some like nibbling, others like their lips sucked on a little...stuff like that.
