You are missing GEL's point. You are not listing for her what you want her to change. It can be a very short conversation.
"I am miserable in our marriage and with our life. I will stay as long as I can, but I cannot say how long that will be."
You don't need to outline for her HOW to change things. That is up to her. What you need to communicate in no uncertain terms is that you have reached the end of your rope, and that you are barely hanging on.
You do not solve these problems in one conversation. But what everyone is telling you that I don't think you are hearing is, "YOUR WIFE HAS NO IDEA HOW MISERABLE YOU ARE."
This is not about getting her to see things YOUR way and becoming who she once was. She needs to understand that her marriage is on the line.
Does she pay any household bills?
Are your financial accounts joint or separate?
I know you don't believe in divorce, but have you considered separating, even for a few weeks, just to underscore your point? Are you willing to go to a marriage counselor if she agrees to go with you? Are you willing to go alone?
