My H "accused" me of suddenly wanting him when my dad became ill a few yrs ago. As JJ pointed out, a couple of changes were going on simultaneously which made me feel the void in my marriage. My H was resentful because I acted as though I didn't need him all these yrs, but he chose a wife who would let him do his own thing.
After trying to analyze my feelings, medicate them, even try to escape from them I have realized that this is who I am now and I want the intimacy of a relationship...the safety, sharing, closeness, fun, etc. It's like a wall came down and I was able to feel my needs. Even Gloria Steinem got married. The difficulty was that I was already married and my changes were forcing "us" to change.
You live, you learn and you grow ( although my dad says you don't get older and wiser, you just get older). I could never have anticipated 5 yrs ago that this would be me today. I walked into Border's yesterday and they're promoting a book ( with a book signing next week) called How To Tell A Naked Man What To Do by Candida Royalle, a porn star/director, and I thought " how cool." I told H about it, how sex now just seems to follow me around, and he says "that's because you are obsessed." I told him that one person's obsession is another person's passion. I feel so good about my sexuality now and the intimcay we're creating that his negativity doesn't throw me. I guess I have become more differentiated.
And guess what? It works. Early this am I tell H ( in bed) that I was feeling shaky and we talked about it a little and then ML. It was so nice.
Your needs are your needs no matter where you were before. The only thing you can be certain of is change and you just have to go with it.
