I've got a question for you that a friend of mine asked me (who is studying to be a sex therapist). This directly applies to you viewing your wife by her past behavior ok?
You know as well as the rest of us that people do change as time goes by...it's inevitable right? You've changed, I've changed...everyone on this BB has changed in many varying ways. You are who you are right? As someone once said..."you are the sum of your experiences." What if what you are seeing now in your wife's behavior IS who she really is?
I know you say that she was a different person years ago, I accept that...so was I, so that's completely reasonable to me. I've changed though in the last 5-10 years...I'm no longer the same person I was...but this IS me NOW. I'm willing to bet you aren't the same man you were when you two met either.
So...what if, what you are seeing/experiencing truly is who your W is NOW? What then?
My friend brought this up to me about my LDH. No, I don't like the thought that our SL may not improve drastically...but that is a possibility in the realm of things that I must consider. If this is truly who he is, if this is truly a part of his personality then for me I will have to find a way to live with and accept him for the person he is...why? Because I love him...it's that simple. This is truly the only area of our R where things are difficult for us. Do I know how I'll learn to cope if this is the reality of things? No. But I do know that for me, losing him...the man I love and the father of my son is not an option. Is it for you?
Here's something to add on for you to think about. How would you feel if your W came to you and said..."I want the man you used to be back, that's who I fell in love with. If you can't be him then I can't love you". Because in my interpretation of your posts...that's exactly what you've said to us about her, time and time again.....think about it.
