If my H noticed or positively responded to changes I'd made, it would be a great motivator. When he didn't, I'd go into depression. I was changing for his benefit. To make him happy; to jump through the hoops that he said I needed to do to make him happy. But, as is I rarely hit the mark. I was discouraged to the point of often being depressed.
Now I change because Iknow I need to. I haven't arrived but I have come a long way. And WHEN he even says that I have not and holds me up to 20+ years of lumping my actions into a catagory I hear what he is saying. I listen. I see what is real and what is just his emotion and HIS issues talking.
I don't depend on him to make me feel right. I KNOW what is right and good about me and don't depend on him to keep me pumped up. I try to do what is right regardless of what he does. And not let it depress me when he doesn't. I choose to accept him and who he is. I can't wait until I feel like doing that.
