I agree with your C. I think I"m finally starting to learn this. Speaking as a LDW (and rarely doing so on this board)predicting each other's reactions is a no no. I've done it so much (as well as it being done to me) and it never produces good results.
We all grow and change. When we hold our S to their past behavior we limit them to that behavior. What if your W is trying to change? Even if only a little. It quenches all motivation to say "you always do". "Always" is a no no word.
When we look for the negative we'll see the negative.
When we look for the good and watch for the changes our S is trying to make and acknowledge it. It gives lots of motivation to keep changing.
I however, have gone past that point. Depending on him to notice was a rollar coater that I have gotten off of. I am now motivated to change whether my H ever acknowleges it or not.
Really learning to accept the other person as they are (like it or not we married it) is huge. I even accept that it is difficult for my H to do this for me. I'm patient with him in that.
Is this being "differentiated" sp????. I don't know, ha ha, but whatever...it is freeing.
