Karen, Are you saying that the ultimate goal should be that I am so differientated that I don't care what the response is to me 'risking' myself?
I can see myself doing this in most areas of my life, but not sex. I will always care what the response is..perhaps that makes me fused. I no longer think it is some reflection on me, but I do think it is a reflection on the state of our M. I don't know...I have a hard time with this. I DO care what the response is and, while I can hold onto myself if I don't get the answer I am looking for, I will be doing just that--holding on to my own disappointment and trying not to let the escape fantasies get the best of me.
I think the reason this is so hard IRL and easy on paper is that there is NO activity that requires as much vulnerability as initiating sex with a partner who has shown themselves to be uninterested, historically. Even my LDH has said that he would be crushed if I didn't want sex with him. He said it this past weekend, in fact. Oh well, I have nothing productive to add to the convo, so I will sign off.
