Very good points. The trick is getting past the fusion enough to "risk" oneself without regard as to the potential response. Trying to gage the other person is nothing more than a futile self protective measurse.
Case in point: Yesterday H decided to hang a couple of new paintings and asked where I wanted them hung. I said, "Well you aren't going to like it." (I "knew" that H would be unhappy because he hates change and we needed to move some other pictures). I told him where I thought they should go and he said "Why would you assume that I would be unhappy?" I said, "because you aren't fond of change" and he said, "that's true". My assumptions darn near got me in trouble there. And that is something that isn't as remotely personal as sex.
Karen, who is ordinarily great with things on paper
