Understanding your spouse

[NotATLDave]

Sat PM, W and I had a milestone moment where we collectively generated enough sexual energy through touching and kissing that I provoked my W to ask for sex.

Last night, we were sitting in the same spot and had the same drinks (hot chocolate with butterscotch liquor and whipped cream). I started getting frisky again and W clearly wasn't. I asked her "how is it that you are feeling different tonight?" followed by a lengthy discussion. The actual content of the conversation was pointless.

So today, I told my C about this and she kicked my ass for asking my W that. And I realized that she's completely right. There is absolutely no point in trying to analyze, dissect etc. your spouse because according to Schnarch, my C and the gods of common sense, assuming a role where we "predict" outcomes in another living person and adjust our behavior accordingly is simply "fusion". My W was irritated by the questioning because she felt I was trying to learn how to "program" her.

The C put it eloquently by saying..."don't figure her out...figure yourself out. Instead of asking why she seems distant, tell her that you are feeling close...you cheapen the experience when you make it about them and not yourself."

So, my 2 cents of the day is this.

- Stop wasting time and energy trying to learn what buttons to push.
- Never assume anything about a person's mood...if you are horny, communicate it.
- While you shouldn't ask your spouse what makes them tick, don't indulge them either.
- Don't voluntarily try to teach them the formula for your horniness (even saying I get horny every 3 days).
- Live in the moment, communicate from *you*, and ask for what you want regardless of the historical outcome.


Dave (who loves to preach things that seem so easy on paper).