H talked about his project and asked me for my imput, some of which I was able to do.
He talked about getting into this new field eventually, and making much more money and getting more satisfaction from his work. He said, if I ever make much more money, it would not just affect myself, there are others involved too, for instance, D could have better opportunities... (sounds a little different from his previously wanting to run away from responsibilities).
But, H also talked about how the projects of the last few years now bore him. Stuff he was talking excitedly about just a couple of months ago. He bought an expensive piece of equipment just months ago, and he is already bored by the notion of doing a full project with it.
This propenisty of H's to take up new stuff and then get bored with it very quickly is the theme running through his life. He starts with a bang, picks up stuff really well and fast, he is intellegent, then gets bored and drops it like a hot brick. I have to figure out whether there's any chance I will be anything more than a dropped hot brick in his life.
Oh yes, I finally asked him to please take up all the cartons of his stuff from the office, up three flights of stairs into the attic. Which he did. I had been agonising over this, feeling that by asking him to do it he would see it as rejection/clearing him out of my life,/whatever. Then I realised, it has been nearly two years, so need to have some decent space in this house, and actually H cares 'nada' about the stuff in the boxes, he doesn't WANT any of it! As we have the space to store this stuff, it's there, otherwise I would have got him to sort through it and throw out the junk and take away the rest. I just don't want to apply 'pressure' at this moment. Maybe later, as there's more stuff, only not in boxes.
H made references to both OW, once each, during the weekend. And it made me realise just how much I didn't want to share my H with OW. I am not detached enough to be happy to spend time with him, indefinitely, as just a friend, I want him back as my H. Does that mean I am not really his friend now? Because I have an agenda? Don't the OW also have their (more selfish) agendas?
OK, D and H were talking about next weekend, and H asked me about it. I said, it is officially the weekend when you have D, so she can go up. D said, can't Mummy can't up too? H looked at me and said, are you coming?
(This felt very half hearted to me, is H not that keen, is he playing cool to not lose face and seem to be changing his mind, what?)
I said, well, it is D's weekend with you, and if I'm invited, I'll come up. So H said, OK, we'll see what the weather's like, it will not be fun cooped up in my house if there's bad weather, I warn you.
So, as of now, D is going up, that's if the landlords are going, of course, and I'll go up if the weather forecast is good. I must say, this sounds a little iffy to me. Surely we can spend one and a half days at his place, whatever the weather? I ain't a princess...
Late Sunday evening, we watched a Hitchock film together after D was in bed, and then I kissed H goodnight on both cheeks. Told bim, you always get to kiss me,(while I kiss air) I just want to kiss you for a change! He smiled and accepted them, and kissed me back.
Other stuff - he praised my cooking to the skies. H asked what was for dinner on Saturday, and I said, I am only making simple, plain old ---------- for dinner, (as H doesn't usually want to eat at night). H replied, but Livnlearn, YOUR plain old ---------- is not any old ------------ , it is like a plain old Da Vinci (or some other 'master') and we laughed, and I snorted and chortled, and we continued with some more inane repartée. He was really looking forward to dinner and ate a load.
Here's the TYPICAL scene at breakfast. I am making toast. Ask H if he wants any? H replies, no thanks, I never have breakfast.
D and I are sitting and eating, and we make a bet that the folowing will happen, and it does. H turns up and says oh, you're having toast with peanut butter , in which case of course I'll have some!!! D and I laugh and shake hands on winning our bet!
There's probably more that came up, but I have to get on with other things this morning, so I'll catch up later.
Basically, the weekend was pleasant, without any bad moments, just a couple of slightly tense ones that I managed for the most part to keep under control from my end. No waves of affection coming from H, no little stolen glances, nothing like that. Distance.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
