Ok, here's an update of the rest of the weekend.

Will just describe in genereal what we did, and then add some points of interest.

We really just ate, played cards, hung out, watched a number of films on DVD and went for a walk in the park. D took her scooter along and we all had fun on that, having competitions and races etc. It was a relaxed, family weekend.

After D and H returned from town on Saturday evening, I started to make dinner. D and H started watching a cartoon video. Half way through she and H stopped to come and have dinner, then we all three watched the second half. Not so great for me as I hadn't seen the first half!

Then, we decided to watch Groundhog Day. Just at that point, my sister rang, and she was on the phone for 45 minutes. She has just returned from a trip to our country of origin, so had lots to relate and report. I didn't want to cut her short, and if I had mentioned that H was here, she would have got annoyed and told me off, no doubt. So I just kept on until she was ready to ring off.

At that point, it was quite late, and H started to say it was too late to start watching a film. I told D she needed to get to bed, and H said he wanted to turn in as well. I felt distinctly annoyed, and said fine, you do whatever. So much for our social evening.

They went to bed, and then I sat up and watched Groundhog Day on my own. I got over feeling annoyed, decided I would just do something to please myself for a change and enjoyed the movie. I reminded myself I really was watching the movie 'cause I wanted to, not to spite anyone else, and it was true. My H has the habit of saying, let's watch this movie, then half way through, yawning and saying, I'm afraid I have GOT to turn in, I'm feeling too sleepy. It would have been a movie that HE wanted to see, and that *I* ended up watching to the end because I don't like watching movies only half way!

I am beginning to understand better how to take care of my needs. They are as important as anyone elses. I don't have to ride roughshod over others, but I do need to speak up and state what they are. And I have to learn to say no sometimes as well.

Anyhow, both D and H have seen Groundhog Day before, so we are now on a level playing field!

It's a good movie. It sort of proves that saying, "How we live our days is how we live our lives". It also illustrates DBing principles - how we behave with others affects their reactions to us, and sets up cycles of behaviour. And he gets the girl by changing himself for the better and acting as if. He gets lots of practise in though, beforehand! Also, when he does a 180° in his reaction to the insurance salesman, he gets a 180° reaction in return!

After breakfast and D's homework session on Sunday, we went to the park. We had fun, but it was SOOOOOOO hard not to just link arms with H. We have spent years of our lives going to that park as husband and wife, as friends and lovers, and to not be able to touch him was difficult. The most difficult part of the weekend was just having H there in front of me and having to keep my hands off, in even the little ways. No familiarity, no affectionate touches, nothing. I have no way of knowing if it is as difficult for H or what.

H talked a lot. In various connections he again stated that he 'didn't repect' such and such, another time he said 'whenever he rages about the world', and other such expressions of turmoil and angst. More and more, I realise that H projected on to me most of his own inner turmoil at bomb time. I too have been a ranter and rager at the world, but not recently, not in the past few years. H appears to be going through an adolescent phase that he missed out on earlier. Yet I mistakenly believed when I first married him that HE was the one to have most stuff worked out in his mind better than I did...

At one point, H said that he didn't have enough time left in his life. It took so long for one to get out of one's adolescence, (his words) and that's what he needed to do, and there was so little time left... I think in this period, if H really does learn to stand on his own two feet, without OW crutches right there, it may indeed be a period of growth for him.

Will continue in another post...

Livnlearn

"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates