Quote: - getting a raise (in your case, that would mean raising your lesson fees) - getting a new job - getting an additional part-time job(is there a market there for dog-walking or weekend babysitting - activities you could include your D in?) - start a business - are there local items you could sell on E-bay at a profit? - get a roommate to share expenses - cut your expenses so you can live on less income
Well, LNL, that's why only one of the suggestions above involved getting a new job! The rest are all things you could do in addition to what you presently do.
Also - is there an English-language paper you could write for? Surely there must be part-time jobs available where your native English-speaking would be an asset? Any tourist sites where you could lead English-language tours?
Thanks for your suggestions Ellie, and by explaining a little of the situation here regarding jobs, I was not discounting all the other avenues!
All these goals need a bit of thought to sort them about, but I WILL be getting back soon with them.
Today I had a new student who wants intensive lessons for a couple of weeks, so that's good for me. Puts my PMA up to get work in!
Livnlearn
PS I have started putting up a mental stop sign whenever my thoughts turn to H or his OW, not just if they are bad thoughts. I need to REALLY REALLY focus on myself once more.
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Quote: PS I have started putting up a mental stop sign whenever my thoughts turn to H or his OW, not just if they are bad thoughts. I need to REALLY REALLY focus on myself once more.
One idea that helped me with this: - if you went to the movie theater and saw a really bad, disturbing movie - would you keep going back to see it over and over? Of course not! So why show "bad movies" over and over in your head? Pick a better movie - like a positive image of your future - to watch instead.
H rand this evening. I picked up the phone, H said, well, I just wanted to say hi! So I said hi in return, and asked how he was. He told me about the work he had done over the weekend, and about some progress on his project. The subject of redemption came up in passing.
Then H said, seeing as I haven't seen D in two weeks, I was wondering, have you got a plan for next weekend...?
I said, not yet, why?
H said, I was wondering if I could come down to you for the weekend.
I asked, you don't want to do next weekend what we planned for this one, which didn't work out (ie, D and I go up to him)?
H said, it has turned bitterly cold here, so I thought it would be better if you came up in March, it would be nicer then, even as I speak I am feeling cold in the house. It is really not very comfortable.
(I can confirm that the nights have been bitter and this morning when I took D to school my fingers ached, even in their padded gloves!)
So I said, OK, that's fine.
I have kept in mind what others have pointed out, that even if our spouses wish to move close, they need to save face, and might use 'seeing D' and suchlike as cover.
Positives -
H is NOT staying with OW1 H rang me H asked to stay He is still talking about us going up to visit him perhaps next month. March is usually very pleasant around these parts.
Further positives -
I have a load of work this week! I am back to doing my early morning exercises and not hogging like a pig!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Just a quick update, not that there is much to report.
I have been very busy the last few days. It sure keeps your mind off things!
Even teaching English forces me to pick up some of the local language better, when it comes to explaining or translating things for students from time to time.
Will work on the goals when I have time.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
H rang around 9pm today and asked, did you try to ring me this evening? I replied, nope, but in a cheery way. He sounded slightly deflated, in an amused way, said, oh, I just thought because I haven't spoken to D since day before yesterday, you might have tried to ring... I could feel the slight hurt in his voice, but also that he was taking it lightly.
So I said, well, D has her report tomorrow, so I was going to ring you after that for sure, and H sounded a little reassured.
Told me he had been to w3's house for dinner.
H asked, am I still coming down to you this Saturday then? I replied, are you?
H said, well, I just wanted to make sure I would be welcome, and I replied, yes, you would be welcome.
We started talking about films and H talked about recent ones he had seen and about others he liked. Said that Resevoir Dogs was the best Tarantino film because it was about real things - friendship and betrayal. There is nothing more powerful and real than that, said H. I agreed.
We chatted some more, about films, and D's funny and memorable sayings, and it was a very relaxed and happy convo, with a couple of jokes thrown in. I don't know if it was alcohol that made him so, but anyway. I'll take it over ranting any day!!
After reminiscing about D, H said he really misses D, and I said, I can imagine how you do.
Anyway, we ended the convo with me saying I would definitely ring him tomorrow after D's report.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
The student situation is teaching me something. Students come and go like the revolving doors in an airport. As soon as one student rings to say they can't make it, another person rings to enquire about lessons. As soon as a new student starts, another has to drop out for some reason. (The roller coaster, LOL! )
I am learning to NOT react to these ups and downs any more. I don't get grumpy about it, just smile and say, I hope you sort out your problem/get better soon, or whatever. If you give off negative vibes - resentment, irritation, anger, you sure won't get them back.
I am also working on ways to improve my lesson planning and how to conduct lessons in a more enjoyable way too. I see it as a challenge, not an imposition. If this is the way I spend many hours every day, then I want to make the best of them!
By the way, we were talking about how D's school day is eight hours long, and H said, *I* don't work eight hours myself, so it is a lot for a nine year old.
I am just filing this away. Years ago H said how he could finish enough work in six hours a day, Monday to Friday, to stay afloat.... Then at bomb time it was all about how he was under such a strain, and I (Livnlearn) did nothing!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
hummmm, seeing some nice positives over here. . you are doing great at keeping your expectations at zero, but keeping that hope going.
i loved the way you spoke of the students and how they come and go. if you really let go, it seems to work out doesnt it? i bet emotionally it works like that too.
my fingers are crossed that your weekend goes great!!
Thanks for your visit. You're right, once you focus on yourself and feel a little secure about being OK no matter what, you do tend to let go more. You even get thoughts questioning whether you REALLY want the WAS back, ha ha.
So, H and I spoke on the phone about D's report last evening. It was much better than her last one, but the question of her very weak spelling came up again, as it lets her down in all her subjects, ultimately. I was saying once again how we needed to do some remedial work with her. H as usual said how with D being at school for eight hours every weekday, it should really be the responsibility of the teachers blah blah blah, but at the end he did admit (without prompting from me ) that when D was with him at weekends he tended to want to do only fun things, but he promised he would do some work with her on spelling in the future.
H also mentioned needing to get an early night as the previous night he hadn't been able to sleep. I am fortunate in that recently I have been going to bed at a reasonable time most days AND sleeping like a log.
At one point, H said, oh, guess what? You know we were talking about Groundhog Day? Well, guess what I found and bought in the local shop today? Groundhog Day! (I've never seen this film and had been asking him to bring this DVD down, but he told me that it belonged to a friend, it wasn't his).
So, without thinking, I piped up, oh is it a present for me? And H replied, er no, it isn't, it's for me....
Oooops, that's what happens when you speak without thinking and have even a teeny tiny expectation! So I recovered from that gaff and we carried on talking about the film, and I did notice H saying later, well, I will probably leave the film there with you anyway as I've seen it a number of times.
As for Valentine's day on Monday, H's plan is to stay till Monday morning. I don't think he will be too conscious about what day it is, as even during our M he didn't take note of such stuff. Luckily I have friends coming over on Monday evening to cook together and on Tuesday a friend and I are taking the kids out from school for lunch together.
I presume any kind of card at this point would be a complete no no no no no no no no no no no?
Ellie, please note, I have laid in some bottles of white wine for H this weekend, as he mentioned that red wine gave him some funny symptons - like the next day he would feel he been talking nonsense all the previous evening, which he says is not true, it is just the effect of the wine...
Have a good weekend everybody!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
I had just posted the last update, when H rang. H said he had just finished a whole lot of work in the previous three hours, he was very pleased with himself, and now he was making himself some coffee. He rang just to talk about D's report again .
So we did, and we also talked about our lovely D and how precious and wonderful she is! We laughed at a couple of things that D says and at how she manages to manipulate us...
Then H confirned that he would arrrive tomorrow in time for lunch.
Then said he would ring again this evening to speak to D.
He seems to be keeping in touch???
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
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