H was talking on and on about various things, and at one point, he said, I don't know why people get all hung up on international causes (and here he named one that has got him all worked up in the past few years) when in fact they should be more aware of their own issues closer to home (or words to that effect). Then he added, I know I myself am guilty of that...
At that moment I happened to be staring up at the network of winter branches of the nearby trees, and my vision became very clear, I had a sort of ephinany - I could feel something in his voice that made me think he might have actually thought about what he was saying, rather than just merely 'spouting'. He's good at spouting!
I have been struck all along, at how my H is so involved in trying to work on issues of global importance, but seems to be oblivious to the mess he has created in his own back yard, his family, that is. But that, unfortunately, is something I have always noticed among the most passionate 'activists'.
Later, H said, are you coming up next weekend? I wasn't sure why he was asking the question (confirmation? backtracking?) but I said, well, I thought you had invited us (D and self) up? H said, fine! Said, don't worry, I'll clean it up from top to bottom, it probably won't have been cleaned like that since I moved in! (Funny, in Feb 2004 he told me he cleaned from top to bottom for the arrival of OW2... used the same expression then!)
H told me once again to bring up two sleeping bags, told me we would have to sleep in the one bed, as there is only one now (wonder what the story of that other bed is...)
In the past he has said he didin't want 'stupid gossip' (about us getting back togther) with my being up there. I wonder if he has chosen a weekend when there is no one else around so as to avoid stupid gossip?
Oh, another thing, his cell phone rang and he ansered in English, saying he would speak later, as right now he was with Livnlearn and D. That sounded more positive than saying something vague like, I can't speak to you right now...
But basically, the convo was pretty much H based.
By now the time was getting on for 2pm, and H said, well, I must let you get on with your lunch. I have no idea whether he wanted an invite, but as I had my friend coming, the one who doesn't want to meet H at the moment, I said, yes, we must be going.
D started up, saying, why can't you come with us now? Stay today with us... and H was saying he couldn't. D was trying to pursuade him and kept asking him 'why' questions, and H was in a spot at one point, replying with "that's a good question!"
I think H needs to see that D is not exactly totally happy with the situation, although she is generally a happy little girl.
When it was time to go, H gave D a big hug and said 'I love you!' and then he kissed me on both cheeks, a little tenderly I thought (not as perfunctory as usual), then gave my arm a squeeze before we parted ways.
Is this the beginning of a thaw?
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
