A BIG baby step?

[Livnlearn]

Ok guys,

I have just ordered a slew of books that I have heard about from these boards - Understanding the Mid-life Crisis, Men in Mid-life Crisis, Not just friends, After the Affair, The Four Agreements, Mastery of Love.

I hope to gain much new perspective and I do hope that I am not just ordering books and reading them as a way of avoiding GAL!!

One thing I read on, I think, CeeGee's thread, is that when a WAS talks to you about their OP, it is, in Shirley Glass's opinion, a way of opening up 'couple space' between the two of you and putting up a wall, however small, between WAS and OP. I am sure H has talked/unloaded at length to both OW about me, but on the other hand, he has also told me things about them, so it goes both ways, hehehe. And so much of what he has told me is not exactly flattering

I shall have to zip my lips about OW 1&2, and carry on being the best *I* can be.

By the way, I had lunch with my good friend yesterday. I found her behaviour a good illustration of just how annoying and 'unfriendly' non-validation or even 'contradiction' can be. I made some comments, not exactly complaints, just about how I was feeling sad about having lost so many close relatives recently (and D having so few relatives in her age group or in our continent), and she immdeidately went into a long speech about how SHE didn't worry about such stuff, she just got on with life blah blah. It sounded like more of a ticking off than anything else.

Very odd, because - 1) I wasn't exactly complaining or blaming, just having a sad moment and 2) A few years ago when she left her husband, I listened to her for HOURS and HOURS on the phone, in person, I dropped everything to go over to her house and be with her etc etc etc. She has even aknowledged that I was one of her few friends/relatives to just LISTEN and BE THERE and not judge or insist on offering advice. But the last few months she has been pretty strange with me in return. makes me want to PULL BACK. Interesting, huh?

Livnlearn