Anyhow, the Scrabble game was enjoyable and we cracked a few jokes. It was almost like old times, and guess what, we DID have fun together, inspite of H stating the contrary at the time of the bomb.
Then D returned home from the party. We had dinner. H mentioned the memorial service once again, and said I could go too if I wanted. Then he asked me, did you ever meet C, (the guy who died)?
Well folks, I was taken aback once again. We have been to C's home in the hills for meals and even stayed the night years ago. We had even thought of renting a part of their property as a holiday let when they were thinking of lettting it. C and his wife came over to our house once for a meal, which of course I cooked. One of my 'specials'! Admittedly, we were not bossom pals, as they are a generation older than us, but their kids were quite good friends of ours at one time and I was astounded that H could be unaware of and not remember what we have or haven't done together.
But I merely replied, of course!
H has visited this family recently, when he got the lift over there with w3, who is also friendly with them. So I asked if he had seen the various kids, one in particular. H said, I haven't seen him in years, he has stated that he doesn't wish to ever meet me.
D was anxious to give H his birthday presents. She rushed off to make him a card. I had written him a card too, with a little corny poem in it about reaching 45, but it was affectionate and jokey, and I signed off as "Livnlearn, the queen of doggerel"
I think H was quite touched with his gifts and cards, which while not big, were thoughtful and heartfelt. He gave me a thank you kiss on the lips!
Then D started to play up about going to bed, she was very rude and disobedient. H finally got her to bed. I told H that I found D's behaviour deteriorating rather in the past few weeks. He agreed, said he found the same. I suggested that he could use witholding of pocket money as a punishment if she crosssed a line. He is the one to give her pocket money.
I was also aware that D sometimes plays up even more when there are the two of us, as she plays one against the other...
We watched a DVD for a while. H talked about his work a bit. Actually, when he arrived he handed me his project under developement, to have a look at, but I didn't have time to really look at it over the weekend. As this is probably invalidating behaviour on my part, I will ask H to email it to me so I can have a look at it at my leisure.
As we talked, I was dismayed to see how many things and people he still 'despised'. But I just listened. I keep forgetting to validate, and I just about listen, but it is more a case of biting my tongue, than actively LISTENING. Got to work on that.
This morning, H was due to catch an early bus, but when it came time to go, he said he would wait till a later bus and take D into school. I thought he might be fishing to stay on longer, and said, why don't you stay till your birthday? D has been clamouring for this all along. But H said, no, I have to get back. I asked what was so important, as he had his computer with him, and he just said, well, I have planned to be back, so I will. Then later he admitted, I have some packages I am expecting to be delivered so I want to be there.
When he finally left, he thanked me "for everything". I said it was a pleasure.
So, the weekend went pretty well in the end.
Positives -
Livnlearn managed to overcome the hump of negativity Livnlearn managed to pitch the present and card at the right level*
H offered to cook twice H cleaned up after himself most of the time H relaxed enough to play games and laugh and joke H complimented me on the food H thanked me a number of times
And finally -
H invited me up to his place!
Livnlearn
*H mentioned in passing having his eye on a gadget. It is quite expensive, but I could stretch to it. The only problem is, if I got it for H, would he read it right or would it be bad idea? Is anything bigger than a small gift premature? It would certainly surprise him.
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
