Okay, so I decide since H is going out for drinks with friends from work, I am not going home to just sit and wait and go CRAZY. I decide to check the movies to see if anything is playing. That would kill time and distract me. Turn off phone and go check out the kiddie selections. Unfortunately we missed them. So we get back in the car and head out. I decide to take kids back to my school and let them play on the playground for awhile. Turn phone back on in car. Two missed calls from H. He wants to know what we are doing for dinner. Asked if I got his earlier email about dinner. (I had emailed him to see if he wanted us to wait on dinner or eat without him--he suggested grabbing something at home and waiting). I said yes I had got it. He wanted to know if I was going home like he suggested. I said no, the kitchen is a mess and I am not cleaning it then cooking to clean it again. (lets back up-- a few nights ago I cooked and asked H if he would clean up--trying to be more assertive and tired of doing everything--he said Yeah, maybe not today though. Well it is still not clean) He said, oh well what are you doing then? I said I haven't thought that far ahead yet. So he suggests us meeting after he finishes (said he wouldn't be that long) to eat somewhere. I said ok.
I am so confused at this point. I just want to scream. I know we are not supposed to understand what is going on.
He acts so normal at times. Then so distant. I really do hate this.
I thought about this day, if this ends, at least I know I have done everything I could possibly do to save our M. He will have to live with the fact that he didn't.
Sorry for rambling, thoughts are everywhere. Right now trying to decide how long I can live with this.
