H seems distant. Yesterday he came home early and talked about his day. I was in the kitchen putting up groceries and I jokingly asked if he wanted to cook dinner. (it was throwing some already cooked meat in the microwave and rolls in oven - not too hard!) He said yeah, I can, in a bit. I looked at the clock and said okay it doesnt take to long anyway. (one of our problems, I am a schedule person and he is not). He played with the kids a little. He seemed fine. He went to the back of the house and come out a little later and something was definately wrong. I asked what was wrong, he said nothing. I dropped it. I let him cook. I was working on paying some bills. We started eating and I could tell something was obviously wrong. I just ignored and starting talking about my day. Eventually got him to laugh. After dinner I am cleaning up and finishing bills and he goes off and reads by himself, then gets on the computer while I got the kids ready for bed.
It is driving me crazy wondering what made him change moods so fast. A text message he read????? Another thing that bothered me was he turned a corner to come into a room then when he saw me he turned and went another to the kitchen. I only saw him out of the corner of my eye. I did not look at him so he doesn't know I saw this. This was as he came in to finish dinner and was a major grump.
I am starting to doubt what I am doing. I know not talking R and ow are good. I am not sure he notices my 180s. They are not real obvious ones. In a R talk early on, I asked have you noticed that I haven't.... and he said no but now that you mention it that has been nice. He does not pick up on things and even has said that to me many times. You have to tell what to do, what you want.
He did not email yesterday or today. I hate that. He is there with ow. I know we are to give them distance and time. But I just don't understand how he will think about me during the day when I am not there and ow is. I am so used to emailing him little goofy stuff or when I need to vent about work. It is hard not having that outlet.
Getting frustrated. I know, patience. I just hate not knowing what is going with ow or if I am making any progress.
The LL thing is ironic and funny and sad. We took a course on it at our church years ago. We did it for awhile, but obviously didn't keep it up. I have looked for our books but haven't been able to find them. H's LL is physical touch. How do I do that when it makes him uncomfortable? His other LL is (if I remember correctly) praise. I have done that sporatically. I started in the beginning leaving index cards around the house for him trying to build him up. (the index cards goes back to our dating days. We used to leave index cards on each others cars--goofy I know.) I stopped awhile ago when I was really down and torn about wheter I should let him stay or make him go. Anyway, this week I have started the cards again.
It is just so hard when nothing is reciprocated.
Well at least I made it one week with no fights (which always result from ow or R talk)!!!
