This does get easier with time, keep doing what you are doing. Did you always do most of the stuff around the house? My H did way more than I did which is one of the reasons why I'm here...since he moved back home he doesn't do much at all....frustrating as hell. I feel like he's doing it for payback! Anyway, if you have ALWAYS done everything maybe you should not do something for a day or two. Would that be a 180?
Hang in there, you are doing great...keep up the no R or OW talk. What is one thing you are going to do to GAL this week??
Yeah I usually do most of the house stuff and dealings with the kids. He would help occassionally. Usually I would have to tell him what needed to be done. His big gripe was that I would get upset because he would not do it on my timeframe.
I have tried to let things go but he does not pick up the slack, so I don't think that would be a good 180 unless I want to live in a pigsty.
GAL is hard. Had plans this weekend but it backfired (H beat me to the punch). Will try to do something though this week.
DOnt worry...I have been in your place many times during my sitch....feeling completely overwhelmed with all of the house responsibilities, our daughter, saving a marriage. I really felt that way when H moved out...He was coming and going as he pleased while I had the responsibilites of our daughter. With all of those pressures building up you are bound to have a breakdown. Even now that my H is moving out (anyday now) he comes and goes as he pleases with no responsibilites...Woo hoo he does the laundry. He doesnt fold it, he just runs it. Whatever!
I know it is hard, believe me, but keep doing it. Right now your H is looking for an excuse. I know it sucks to know that you are doing all of this work while he is reading (mine used to and still naps all the time) and yet he has some needs met by you and others by OW. But if you keep following DB better than I did, you could save this and one day he will acknowledge all that you have done.
I know how hard it is to GAL with kids around. It sometimes isnt fair that you have them all the time and H can just go out on a whim...Lets start doing stuff with them and find some friends that are willing to give you a break for a few hours on the weekend. H doesnt even have to know someone watched them. If he cared he would watch them right?
How has H been behaving the past few days? Has he said anything that would give you any clues as to his state of mind?
No clue as to H's state of mind. He pretty much acts mormal at home, a little moody at times. But we talk and act normal. But no R talk at all.
To give H a little credit (not that he deserves any). He does not go out on a whim. In fact he pretty much stays home. He doesn't stay late at work anymore and hasn't gone out or anything on the weekends either (except this weekend he went to get the oil changed in the car). He does hang out at home. I know from reading other threads that some H's dont do that. So I have to be grateful for that.
We once had a discussion a few weeks ago where I threatened to stop doing his laundry and getting him food at the store etc. He said fine, and I will go and do as I please when I want. So, I know I am doing the house stuff on my own for awhile. I would rather have him here. I just get frustrated at times.
I think he has reduced his talking time. No proof. I will have to wait until the cell phone bill comes in. I am NOT getting my hopes up though. That would be a huge disappointment and am not checking account online.
I keep holding onto his doubts statement about R with ow and know I have to keep things good at home.
I have a few ideas about GAL. H will watch the kids, it is just hard on week nights. He has watched them before on weekends. So I am planning for this weekend to do a few things on my own.
6 days no R or ow talk!!!!!! It is getting easier!!!!
Will check your thread and check in on you. I know how hard this is right now for you. Sherry
Just wanted to stop by real quick and catch up - you are doing great. Definitely take some time for yourself this weekend. Even during the week if you can...make up an excuse like having to get some milk or something! LOL anything to just get out for a few.
6 days - no talk!! GREAT GOING! Keep it up! Have a good night! LGO
Quote: No clue as to H's state of mind. He pretty much acts mormal at home, a little moody at times. But we talk and act normal. But no R talk at all.
I think even if they told us their state of mind we wouldn't really know it anyway, unfortunately they are too confused to know their own state of mind! Funny, H and I act normal too, you would think, especially after this weekend we were actually a happy couple!
I am going to give some more advice that I don't follow, stop worrying about how much he is talking with ow...the bottom line is he is home with you everynight. It will take time but I think we both have a fair shot at a happy M.
Good job not bringing up ow or R...it does get easier with time...sometimes I have to bite my tongue.
Really got to get off this computer, it consumes so much of my time!
Just noticed you posted to me shortly before I posted to you...it would be nice if this BB had IM or chat or something...oh well. Have a good night! Unsure
I think that we are all a little guilty of giving advice that we cant do ourselves. The thing is we know what has to be done, it is just doing it that is the hard part right?
I dont know if my constant backsliding has anything to do with my H leaving again (he hasnt left yet but it is happeneing) or the fact that he wants to go to visit OW again and knows that if he is in the house he cant do that, that is making him leave, but I will say that you are lucky and not so lucky to have him there. Lucky because you can DB, DB, DB...Unlucky because it doesnt allow you to react to things that you might need to do for your own emotional well being (without H noticing).
How does your H feel about counseling? I told my H that I would not talk about our sitch AT ALL if he agreed to go to counseling, that we would save that talk for counseling and thats it...At first he said no, then he agreed. We went to counseling from July-Sep. The only reason we stopped was because counselor told him to make a choice to save his marriage (by ending it with OW) or get a divorce and H didnt want to make the choice...So he stopped going.
Maybe that would be something your H would consider if posed to him that way....Something to think about right?
I have mentioned counseling but H will not go. I even suggested him going by himself without me and he said he wouldn't.
Unfortunately I think backsliding hurts us big time. I know it has hurt my sitch. My h distances himself a little bit everytime. There was a point when he would reach out to me and was trying a little. But not much anymore. I think it is from me bringing things up and my emotions and then us fighting. Everytime that has happened he has said you want me to come back to this. Fighting and how we resolve issues is one of our big problems. So I know I have pushed him away. That is why instead of focusing on making it a week or whatever, I have decided to go day by day. It is easier for me to focus on one day at a time. One day seems more doable than a week or a month.
Funny, H and I act normal too, you would think, especially after this weekend we were actually a happy couple!
