Russ, Get this, I get home and there is a message on the machine from H. The message was very silly, but very obvious that he did not expect me to be gone. He said hey pick up I have tried your cell and your not answering that (was talking to someonelse and did not pick up ). Then, he got silly, S9 (called his name) hey if your sitting on the couch pick up the phone and take it to mommy, even if she is in the bathroom. Did samething with D4 and then with dog. Very humorous message (he wasn't angry or anything) but ovioius he expected me to be at home.
Nice lunch. No R or ow talk. Was able to put worries out of my head before I got there. Then found out he spent some time talking to family (he has a sick grandfather out of state). I know he talked to 3 different people who are with his grandfather and then talked to grandfather. So I know he at least could not have spent the whole time talking to ow while waiting for car. I am hoping the more happy and positive I am and more I continue 180s, the better things will get. It is so hard to tell what he is thinking or feeling. He definately isn't going to share them with me right now, but my hope is that one day he will. Well, still on track. No emotions, R or ow talk!!!!!
Russ, how is the visit with the kids going? Good I hope. Show WAW how happy you are when you take the kids back. I know you aren't but don't let her know. Leave her wondering what is making you so happy.
Yes must act happy. I do have a nice clean little place, Do laundry with the kids, Just got back from Starbucks......it is amazing how fast one can type.
Just getting ready to hang with the kids, val. cards are half done. with mail them tomorrow.
So how is the weather in your neck of the woods? Russ
I can't imagine how hard this is for you. I know what I have been through and how hard that has been and I still have H here. But hang in there. There is still hope. Work on YOU and GAL. Show WAW what she is missing. For now focus on those precious kids and the time you can spend with them. Our weather is nice, we had lunch outside. It is in the mid 60's, the sun finally shining. Lots of rain and cloudy weather earlier in the week. What is your weather like? Work on getting that smile on your face and "acting as if" you are having a great time w/out her. Start picturing it in your mind, so you are ready when she comes for the kids. Sherry
Weather her is about 35 F. Where I live is surrounded by Mountains, we are beside a lake that is about 75 miles long and 1-2 miles wide, very pretty, Most Canadians want to retire here, mild winter, very hot dry summers. Gott start supper. see ya Russ
Wow, would love to be where you are. It sounds beautiful. We are surrounded by lots of trees but that is about it.
Be strong, Russ, you can do this. Just smile (keep some silly or goofy thought in your head) and act as if. I will check in on you tomorrow. Let me know how things went. Have good night. Sherry
Just wanted to check in with you and see how you are doing today. I know how hard it is to do this and H still be home. Some people look at that like it is a blessing and in most ways it is, dont get me wrong, but at the same time it hurts because H is too close to see the changes, still wants to put the blame on you, etc. So hang in there. I was talking to my SIL today about my sitch and I realized that I was doing very well at DBing for a while and when the holidays hit I lost it....Probably why I am in the sitch I am now with H leaving. So dont stop DBing...It is what will get you through. I know it is hard, believe me, I know...you want to have days where you cry and do nothing but feel sorry for yourself, and with H there you cant do that, plus you have the brunt of the responsibility for your kids right now and have to remain strong for them. I know back when this first started and H did move out at that time, once my daughter was asleep that is when I lost it. I imagine that is how I will be this time around too...But this time I am not going to call H in a crying mess looking for his sympathy. Keep up the good work, you can do it. You are already making such good progress. I wish that I had made that progress at your stage in the game... I will check back in later
I am tired of taking care of everything. I am 95% responsible for the kids and house. H sees me doing laundry and continues to read his book. I just want to scream. That is why I am here. I am screaming to you. My head hurts and I am so tired, but if I dont do laundry we wont have clothes to wear for next week. H won't do it, thats for sure. Last night I am cleaning up the house, starting laundry and getting the kids ready for bed. What is H doing? Reading. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!
I sometimes think he has it toooo easy here. Me taking care of everything (yeah, he takes out the garbage twice a week and feeds the dog (Wahooo)) and he getting to continue R with ow. I told him a few weeks ago, if he was going to stay here and continue with ow and not work on us, he had to help me that I was stressing and going crazy.
Right now I just want to cry but know that I can't.
Way too much stress in my life. Between work, H, and other family problems; it seems like too much to deal with. Something has to give. Just found out my grandmother died. She lived in Florida, lots of family tension involved there. Not a close knit family and very dysfunctional.
Great, I am typing, tears running down my face and H comes in and asks "so who are you rooting for?" (talking about super bowl) I quickly wipe the tears away and answer. Hopefully, he didn't notice (he doesn't look at me too much anyway) or he attributed them to my grandmother. I have already cried about that today for just a sec, no long drawn out affair. Anyway after a minute, he comes back in and we have a normal conversation.
Just feeling down, but trying to not let H see that.
I have thought about not doing his laundry on more than one occassion. But, I know that he would think that it is spiteful and would get mad. One more push towards ow because in his mind she would never do anything like that. Not that he has a clue what she would do because of the nature of their R. No real life stress in that R. So as much as I want to just throw his laundry out the window, I think it would hurt my sitch.
For now I can keep it up. Don't know for how long. These past few days have actually been easier. Don't know why. I have been less emotional and thinking clearer. Like I said, can't explain it. Today, for the first time I came here when frustrated which kept me from saying something to H. Besides my slip up today (which wasn't too bad), I have done pretty well for 5 days now.
I think the slip up today was more about the drama with my family and grandmother's death and not my current sitch.
BTW I folded all the clothes but only made a pile of the stuff to hang up. So I asked if H could please hang up those. He agreed. And he is actually doing it now as he watches the end of the game.
I am doing better with just going one day at a time.
). Then, he got silly, S9 (called his name) hey if your sitting on the couch pick up the phone and take it to mommy, even if she is in the bathroom. Did samething with D4 and then with dog. Very humorous message (he wasn't angry or anything) but ovioius he expected me to be at home.
on your face and "acting as if" you are having a great time w/out her. Start picturing it in your mind, so you are ready when she comes for the kids.
but trying to not let H see that.