Say a prayer for you tonight, Be strong tomorrow, one day at a time. baby steps. Tomorrow you will be better because today is done and can not be changed. Be strong.
in the morning I would like you to look in the mirror and smile at yourself. And say i will be strong,,,I will be OK...I will be a rock today....
Thanks Russ I needed that. Things got ugly last night. He is still here though and I guess that means something. I have to somehow get my emotions under control at home. So much easier said than to actually do. Everything the book and other people say about how our S respond to us is so correct. I have to find a way to be happy at home and to stay that way. I know this is the only way. But, it is so hard. Thought blocking is hard. Once those thoughts creep in, man they take hold and things get bad. I say and do things I shouldn't. Well it is a new day. We will see how it goes. I am a little sad but have several hours until I see H again. Hopefully I can turn it around Sherry
That's a good one. Thanks. This whole process is just plain hard and confusing.
I just don't understand H's thought process. He comes home late and boy I better not ask about where he was. I came home later than normal last night with the kids, mind you, and he asks "Where were you?" He asks where I am going when I leave the house or where I have been when I come home. ???? I know if I ask him the same questions, H will get maaaaddd. If I just say out, he gets mad at that. I know if I point this out to him, he will not see it. Go figure. I guess I wait it out and hopefully this will change.
One day at a time is my new motto. Today, no R talk, no text messaging, and "act as if" I am happy at home. Sherry
Don't try to understand his thought process. His thinking process is different than yours, and when emotions are involved in it, there is no logic.
Pointing things out to someone else, especially in this type of situation, is not an advised approach. People have to realize things on their own.
"One day at a time is my new motto. Today, no R talk, no text messaging, and "act as if" I am happy at home."
You got it. Add "Detach" and "No Expectations" to the list and your peace of mind will go up. The side benefit is that you'll appear more independent to your H and presumably, more appealing.
When he asks where you were or where you're going, leave out some details, large and/or small, as if you're absent minded.
Yeah, I haven't done this too much because I have realized his brain is in a completely different place right now. He is saying and doing things he would have never done even last year.
Those are good ideas to. Detaching is hard when you live with the person. I have done that to some extent. I do my thing around the house and pretty much let him be. I go to bed without worrying or wondering if he is coming. In fact the other night, he came in and said goodnight to me when I was already in bed. Actually he scared the snot out of me because he tried to sneak up on me. We had a laugh about it. I guess if I think about it when I do act normal and detach, he seems to notice a little. Baby steps, right? Look for any small signs. Okay feeling a little better. There have been some small little signs when I keep my emotions under control. That will be my goal each day. To not show H my emotions and NO R talk!!
Thanks NY Survivor. I am feeling a little better. Ready to go DB again. First I have to deal with 20 little first graders who will be coming in from recess. AAGGHH
Thanks, today has slowly gotten better. I just hope I can keep this frame of mind. I know what I need to do. H tells me during every R talk you want me to come back to this. I know I have to stop. I didn't email him today, just kept busy. He emailed me something silly. So I responded equally silly. He reponded with a one word response to my email, so I did NOT respond. I know it is a little thing but usually I would respond just to keep the communication going, then be upset if he didnt respond or took a long time to respond. Today I didn't. Later he emailed me again, something silly. I responded and asked a question (about dinner) which he answered and left it at that. So a little tiny baby step for me. One work day of not obsessing whether H would email me or not. YEA! Maybe tomorrow will be easier. I have to put the focus back on my life. I have let things slip at work and at home with the kids. My goal is to not let that happen anymore. I still think I will do short one day at a time goals. I will check your thread.
Well sounds like you have sucessfully fufilled your goals for today...Good job. I like you think that if contact is maintained during the day that they are thinking about you. My H doesnt have email access at his job, but I do the same thing with text messages. My goal for tomorrow is no text messages unless he initiates it. I did that a few times and you know what, he sent me one instead of me sending it first.
A few months ago I realized that I was neglecting things at home with D and things at work so I picked myself up and started to do the things that had gotten overlooked. I started to feel better about myself in the process like a sense of accomplishment. So it is a good idea to try to get back into the swing of things as if there was nothing wrong. I have to get back into that myself because I started to slack off again, but as everyone here says, YOU YOU YOU, that is the focus right?
Have a good night....and I will check back later Sun
Just checkin in with you. Hang in there girl. It does get easier. I have not brought up OM in over a month. I am not doing as good on the R part but I think it is beggining to get through my thick skull that I am much happier and confident when I worry about me instead of how unfair this is. Try not to spend so much time analyzing his behavior. It will only make you crazy, cause you to think about R then result in you talking about R. Focus on you, you, you and what can make you happy (without him) and his drama will not seem as important.
Now that I have given you this advice, I will try to keep using it myself. I know I can't do this DB'ing and sitch without the help of God, so that is how I make it through the tough spots.
