Thanks for writing. Talking like this to other people going through similiar situations makes it somewhat bearable. It helps to know that I am not alone, though. I also pray daily. The times I have thought about just ending it and telling H to leave, I look at my kids and know that I am not ready to do that to them. I also know that I cannot continue this indefinately either. It hurts too much. But, for now I am sticking it out, hoping and praying that things will change. It has only been 2 and a half months for me but has seemed like forever. Yeah, I can't for the life of me understand his thought process through all this. He has said he didn't deliberately set out to hurt me. I don't buy that one. I told him you knew when you started this it would destroy me and our family. He doesn't see it that way. Still doesn't. I also have a friend who says I should leave him and just start over. A whole lot easier said than done. It is hard to explain to someone who has experienced this. I would have thought before all this that I would not be hanging around, that I would have left immediately. But, that is not how I felt at the time. It is hard to explain. There is so much more involved that just leaving. I wish I had complete peace. I do on some days, but others are just hard. There is knot in my stomach or I just plain worry about what he is doing. Do you have a thread? Hope to hear back from you. Sherry
