Not a bad day or evening. One day down in being happy and positive at home. A zillion more to go. But it is better for everyone, especially my kids. Going out tonight without kids!!! Asked H if he wanted to fool around, he said whatcha want to do and opened his arms out (like I'm yours). Still not where ML used to be, but it was better. He touched me. Yea!! I am trying to look for any baby steps and focus on those. Weekends are the hardest. H doesn't get to see OW and gets moody. So this will be a real test to see if I can make it without backsliding. In-laws (they don't know) will be here, so it may be a little better. Question, I know we are supposed to back off on emailing, calling, etc with our S. My H works with OW. If I let up on emailing him, how will he wonder about me if OW is there. Maybe I am looking at it from the wrong angle here. I usually email him light, goofy stuff and he responds. I want him to remember me throughout the day while he has contact with OW. Should I just let him iniate emails? Thanks for any input, Sherry
Sherry--it is all about babysteps. This is a long process and although we would like immediate results that just isn't going to happen. Have you read the thread on this BB re: Sex? Here it is...
Have a great time tonight...I know weekends are tough but remember to "act as if." It is actually strange, I have been "acting" happy for a while and lately I feel like I really am...of course this is when I'm not focusing on H...I like being happy...it's so much nicer!
I usually am not on during the weekend so have a good one!
Otay, so I am trying to focus on me and the kids and not H while being happy and positive at home. I have made plans to meet a friend and her kids next week after work. Do I tell H of my plans (give H opportunity to see or talk more to OW)? Or do I just go and and come home late? I know he will ask where I was when I get home. Any suggestions or ideas on how to handle this.
I wouldnt say dont tell him at all, because that could anger him, but tell him right before you are doing it. If he is going to contact OW he will do it once he realizes you werent coming home any time soon. I used to and sometimes still do feel exactly what you are, I dont want him to know when I am going out in advance, because then he is going to call her. But you know what....He calls her anyway, so either he sneeks out to run a stupid errand or he goes on the computer when I am right down stairs. I am sorry that I do not have any upbeat for you right now, but I am feeling a bit defeated today. But like I said, just tell him right before you are leaving. That would really make him wonder anyway. Just not saying anything and then you are not home would piss my H off, so I imagine yours would have a similar reaction.
Thanks Sun. Yeah, what you said is what I thought. I just hate giving him room to do what I know H is going to do anyway. I DON'T want to make it easy for him. He says he isn't seeing OW other than at work. I guess my fear is that telling him I wont be home for dinner will give him that chance. I also know he will get mad if I don't tell him. Sorry about you and your sitch. This just sucks. It certainly doesn't get easier. Sherry
Not a bad visit with in-laws. I stressed a little before they arrived. I did mess up a little. We were heading out to go eat with H's family. I asked " Have you called her?" Needless to say H got mad. He asked ' Why are you doing this, we have had a good day. I haven't done anything." I might have shut up at this point except for that last comment. So, I said " You haven't done anything, have you stopped talking to OW?" He said " You want me to come back to this?" I finally shut up. A few minutes later I said " I am going to screw up from time to time you know." H said "I know" and reached over and massaged my shoulder (we were driving to restraunt at this point). Then, get this, H said "I overreacted" (as He overreacted not me). I am so confused. If H is so concerned about me then why won't he end it with OW?
So we are eating with his family when H's aunt says to me you are wasting away and then turns to H and says why don't you feed her. AAGGGG. I wanted to scream, HE is the reason I have lost 20 pounds in 2 months. HE wont stop talking to OW. His family doesn't know. But of course I just smiled and gave some bogus answer. Good DBing, right?
Well, three days and only one small backslide. My goal is to try for five days of no OW talk or R talk. I really have to work on thought blocking. That is hard. The thoughts come then I ask a question or get emotional. Any suggestions on good thought blocking techniques. Going to try and stay positive and keep things happy at home. Have a few things planned this week for me and the kids with out H. Sherry
Not a bad weekend. Still confused. H went to run errands yesterday. I jokingly said you going to leave your phone at home. (I know I shouldn't have but it came out). H did leave phone at home. Huh, why???? Still didn't feel better about him going out w/out me. I mean he can go to a payphone. I asked him about it when he got home. He said "for you." ??? More confused than ever. He left the ringer on so if I called (which I did to ask him to pick up some milk). His ringer is always off. He has it on vibrate or silent so I won't hear it. What gives? H has been more receptive to ML too. Not the same as before. But, when I bring it up, he actually seems interested. Before it was a gamble if he would want to or if I would get a NO. He let me this morning which is good. He has been very against mornings, says he is too tired (never stopped him before the A). I hate Mondays. I know he will go and see OW. So i wanted to leave him with a good memory this morning and he let me. Very confused. Sherry
Hey Sherry, glad your weekend went ok. IL's are always a touchy subject, my MIL is going to be staying with me for a few weeks and I know we will talk about our R...I will probably tell her, not in detail, that he is involved in some sort of affair...she won't say anything to him but if it comes down to it I want them to know that I am not the bad guy here....not that they necessarily think that anyway.
I wouldn't tell him your plans...call him as late as possible it is respectful to let him know if you are not going to be home for dinner...do it as often as possible, if you can, leave the kids with him and go out by yourself...
