H says what you say about ML. He is conflicted there too. But, my concern in that area is in him going back to OW for that need. I don't want that. That is one area which H has stopped. He just talks to OW. Obviously the emotional attachment is still there. Last night we had a R talk that started out good but went on too long and H got angry. I said something I shouldn't have this morning too. So.... not a good night or morning. The weird thing is when I am there having the R talk and it goes bad, I can't seem to stop. I know in my head that I am pushing H away, but my heart is so hurt it wants answers and resolutions. I want it now. Why can't my head and heart agree? H even says the things the book say. "It will take time. I have spent time building up resentment and you havent given me what I needed. It will take time for me to believe the opposite." One good thing did come out of the talk last night. He did say that he has had a few serious (his words, not mine) doubts about this R with OW. He would not give me any details at all, that is all he would say. Still not willing to end it though. So, I am slowly coming out of my slump. I am going to hang onto those words to help me. Also, on Tuesday evening when I was really down, he did try and comfort me. He hugged me and rubbed my shoulders, offered to fix me something to eat and asked if I needed anything. So with those two things I am plowing on ahead, my goals are
NO R talk NO OW talk or questions GAL time Be happy and positive at home (maybe aim for at least a week - 4 days is the longest I have gone without backsliding) continue 180s that I am doing look into therapy BE PATIENT (hard one) I want it now
