Ohhhhh... I am so confused. I agree with both. I, too, have wondered how can I let the A continue (even just emotional). My H has told me he can't end it until it he sees it crash and burn. I have asked him how does he expect it to crash and burn when it is so far removed from reality and everyday life. Yeah, things are great talking on the phone and seeing each other at work ocassionally. They do not have deal with everyday life, kids, stress, etc. H has no response for this. So at first I thought I would do 180s and show him what we could be. H has said half the battle is not seeing us any different, any better and of course the other half is letting go of OW. I thought if I show him we could be different, better, then H could let go of OW. I just never dreamed it would be so hard or so long or so hurtful. But lately I have been thinking about me and my health and mental state of mind. I wonder how long I can keep doing this. I know in my heart, H will choose OW, he basically has already by not working on our R and continuing it. I am just scared to take that next step. Of being alone, complete responsibility of the kids (which I pretty have anyway but it is nice saying hey can you bath M and usually H will). I have told H on more than one ocassion, several actually- when I have been upset or mad- to just leave. I said it last night. I asked him to please leave and let me get on with my life. He said no, he cant end it with OW or with me. Now that I do not understand. If H doesn't love me the same way as OW, how can he not end it with me. I am so confused. The last 2 days have been bad. I have been down in the dumps. Have I told you how much I hate this?
Someone asked what H thinks was wrong with R. I have admitted to H (after a lot of soul searching) that I did not love him the way he needed to be loved. I thought what I was doing was okay. Things seemed okay. I wasn't aware he was building up resentment. I now know I could have been a better wife to H. I am willing to change that but can I if H is so focused on OW. I read the LL book long ago and we applied it for awhile (we actually took a workshop together at church several years ago) but we both stopped. Life, kids got in the way. His LL is physical touch and praise (dont remember the exact language of LL) So how do I handle the physical touch part now? Sorry for rambling and going all over the place. I guess I am trying to sort things out and unfortunately have no clue how to do that. Sherry
