I was and am so much like you. In the beginning my H DID NOT want to work things out either. I kept hanging on by a string and within time he started spending time with me without me asking him to come around. He had moved out at the point. We spent EVERYDAY together and then he moved back home. Believe me I am no expert DBer either. I backslide all the time and I try to set small goals for myself to get through each day. I stopped snooping for a while but recently took it up again, found nothing but snooping nonetheless. I used to look at the minutes used on the cellphone bill daily and try to calculate how long he talked to her. That was obsessive. I am proud to say that I have not checked that in over 2 months. I still check his actual phone but he deletes everything so I never find anything anyway. BUt like you, I have to STOP as well. It is damaging to yourself, it hurts any efforts to DB. Believe me, when I would find something that is when I did my most backsliding. I would initiate convo's about R, cry, beg, etc. Now my goals each week are not to backslide. Unfortunately my sitch is not looking good right now, which means that I have to work all the harder at not initiating any talks. Just be fun loving. That is what I try to do. Try it for yourself. I think of it this way, every minute H is with me, is one less minute H is talking to her. So F you OW! Sorry I do get bitter sometimes LOL
Small goals this week, we can set them together. Mine is to not initiate Talk for the rest of the week and to cook dinner for H everynight (I stopped doing that and I think it bothers H - I think that is his LL - acts of service) Pick a goal for this week and write it down here, that way you will feel more apt to keep it because you told us what it was.
