Sun, We have been married 12 years. How about you, how long have you been married? Yes we have talked about separating. Last weekend was really bad. I had a very difficult time. I was anxious and was worrying all the time about the sitch (what he was doing, was H calling OW, meeting OW). I told H I could not continue to live like this. It was killing me on the inside. I was worried about my health. I wasn't sleeping well, waking up to see if he was still in bed or sneaking out to call OW (which I have caught him doing). I was short with the kids (which just kills me- that is not the type of person I am). So I told him he had to choose. I needed to move on. It was ugly and lasted a long time. When I brought up how and what we would tell the kids, he got very angry. I got angry back and said, they are part of this if you leave. We have to think about how we will handle it even if you don't want to think about it. Then he said he was not leaving. I was so confused, I wanted to scream. I asked when I finally calmed down for a 2nd chance to show him that I could change. H said yes. I later realized, because I have asked several times in letters and finally face to face, if my chance was while he continued the R with OW. He finally said yes that was how it had to be. So, that is where we are at. Him still talking, seeing OW at work. Me trying to DB. Sometimes things seem so normal. Then, H gets mad so easily or gets that look on his face. AAAGGG!!! My H also runs errands and they for some reason take longer than necessary. I know he is calling OW. I sometimes wonder if he thinks I am just plain dumb to not figure some of this out. It is so frustrating. One evening we met to eat out after work so we were in separate cars. Of course I had the kids as uaual. My son had to go to the restroom. My H did not know this he thought we had left already. After we leave the resteraunt, we somehow end up behind H on the street (hmmmm, we left after him right?). When I passed him up because he was driving slow which is unusual for him, he was on the phone. Don't have to guess to who. That really hurt. After having dinner with me, he just had to call OW. Even though all this has happened, I am still glad he is here. I know what you mean about going through all this again and it being worse if H leaves. I have thought about that. I have asked H to leave on more than one ocassion and the discussion last weekend. I knew my emotions would be worse than anything to this point if he left. I hope you can be strong and keep DBing. Keep me posted. Sherry
