I post on an infidelity board(surviving it...not doing it) and there is pretty much a common theme and it's this....
When I had an affair, I really did believe that I loved the OM and I considered at the time, leaving my H for him. When the affair ended and I could step back and look at it objectively, I realized I never loved him. I loved the way he made me FEEL. We call it NRE on our board(New Relationship Energy). Of course I felt like I loved the man. He knew how to push every single button. Add that to the fact that there were no family responsibilities(ie. paying bills, dealing with kids) and of course, things were just ducky.
If you ask my H about his affair, he will tell you something very similar. He liked the she stroked his ego. She knew what to say and what to do, to make him feel good about himself. He loved those feelings and not her.
I am sure there are people that actually do love their affair partner but hon, don't be surprised if sometime in the future, your H realizes that he didn't love her at all.
As for not knowing what you want, THAT'S OKAY!!!
Being betrayed was the most painful thing I ever went through in my life and a very wise woman told me it would likely take me a year before I truly knew if I wanted to stay or go. She was right. It's normal.
There's a really great book out there. It's called "After The Affair" by Janis Abrahms Spring. Get it.
There's also another book that is written strictly for the Wayward Spouse. It's awesome. All you have to do is go to the site and download(it costs 5.00). It's well worth it.
