I don't know if anyone will have any kind of insight on this or not, but after last night its been on my mind. Let me explain the situation and why it prompted me to think this way.
Last evening H and I went to a pub/lounge with some of my dance buddies and their spouses to a show. (some of you may remember I take belly dance lessons) Anyway first of all H really didn't want to go. He is a real home body. I was off work yesterday and around the middle of the day he was like talking to the dogs, telling them he was going to go do something then come back and start cleaning the house. I said to him, if you start cleaning now you will be too tired to go tonight. (I know him all too well, he does this alot to get out of going somewhere with me) So after several sighs and grumbles he decided not to clean.
Getting ready to go to the show he started complaining about god knows what (here again he does this all the time in hopes of getting out of going) so I finally said, well this is the 2nd time today you have tried to get out of going, if you want to stay home, stay, I am going. He did go with me. If any of you have ever been to this kind of show then you know that the dancers interact with the audience. We were sitting at a table that was right on the isle, where they had to pass to get to the rest of the audience. Not once did one of the dancers approach H. He sits there like a statue and hardly moves, only commenting a couple of times. On the way home I asked him if he enjoyed it, he said yes very much. We talked most of the way home about the performers. So I said to him "H how come you never smile?" He never ever smiles or laughs. Most of the time I have to ask him if he is even having a good time. He says he doesn't smile cause he feels his smile is ugly.
I think I have seen him smile a couple times in 22 yrs marriage and never thought it was ugly.
We went to a similar show last summer and my friend asked me at class the next week if he even had a good time that she said he looked mad most of the time. He does look mad most of the time. It dawned on my last night!!!!! Ding Ding Ding.................. could this be the reason I always feel anxious when we go out together? Could this be some sort of sub-consious thing (on my part) why I don't approach him more on talking or touching? He actually LOOKS mean most of the time. How come I never noticed this before? I seem to remember 22yrs ago that he smiled. where did it go? why didn't I miss it before now?
