Can't seem to find my focus today, too much going on in my mind. Maybe if I can put a few things down here I can move on with my day. A lot of things seem to be getting better, but unfortunately I don't know if they are all for real, or just show. Just when I think we might be turning the corner, she seems to be holding back. Some days I suspect she just wants this to be a "working" relationship only, you know the one where you hold on till the kids move out, the rug gets yanked and your left with nothing.
Some days I would love to just dissappear and start clean. However, the little faces I love give me a reason to stay. I am not the type of person to endure a life of constant misery, that's why there has never been an "after" relationship with exGFs, not sure if this would be any different. For now I will continue to put everything I can into saving this, however, at some point we might have to cut bait. Up to this point everything has been her decision, at that point it will be mine. I will only do this when I feel I have done all I can, that is the main reason I have never regretted it in the past.
I wanted very much to be a good husband and father in this life, but some times I guess things are taken from you. My children know how very much I love them and will know how to reach me when they want me back in their lives, I will wait for that day. Perhaps we'll all walk, space and time might do W good. I would have preferred them to have a mother through their lives, but I guess decisions have to be made. I guess I feel I have gone long enough with being decieved with someone who will not commit to making things better.
Going on the assumption that this is her MLC, I will give it some more time, how much I don't know. I really never wanted this kind of crap to happen to my kids, but as we all know it takes two in an R. Sometimes our spouses don't really take into account the effects of their actions.
I hope things are going better for the rest of you on here. For some of you I know this is nothing, but I had to get it out. If we're looking at this 1 (years of marriage) for 1 (since bomb), I guess I have a few more to go, the kids deserve it. I do love her, patience is thin today.
