Regardless of how crazy it got last night, I keep my questions and comments to myself (Jedi "as if"). Over the weekend we had a D about R and I had wondered how good a DBing I had done. Some places I slipped, some I stayed with the program. As the evening closed, things seem more like a normal night, for a normal couple, with normal R . There was even an AOS afterwards that I don't think she has ever offered before, nothing intimate, just considerate. Caught me off guard, but I responded properly.
Up to this point (this month) W had tried to isolate me from her family and friends, even somewhat from the kids. I think she thought she was going to get me out of here somehow and she had to make it look like it was my idea. Well, I am being included in future plans more often now. There is a long road ahead still, but at least I am seeing consistent positives. Thank you all for the support that has got me to today. Hopefully your days are getting better also.
*hugs* that's wonderful news. Guess you've been doing good DBing after all! Don't get too excited and remember to keep expecting nothing from her. I've noticed with XH the more "normal" I act the more "normal" he acts. So keep doing what you're doing!
Thanks Hope. As long as I can stay AS IF and upbeat then I think things will continue to improve. At least with DB I feel that I have some way to direct things in the right direction. To take things to the next level I got to re-read 5LL and try to nail that down better. My dream is to have her excited about this R and want to do fun things with me, not as an escape from me(kids, work). I'm just thankfull today for the positive steps.
Having another tough day. Instead of looking forward to a trip out of town with my family it will be another watch the kids and piddle aroung the house while W works and sleeps. I've been doing my best to stay upbeat and positive, some good results, others not so good. I wish I could get a better bead on what does work and what doesn't. One day things look promising and the next downhill. In the words of one of my favorite TV show personalities, "come over here and turn around so I can smack you up the back of the head". Then of course the next day I just want to grab her, hold her and tell her how much I love her. Oh well, just another day on the MLC rollercoaster.
*hugs* I know exactly how you feel. It's like everytime you think you see a little bit of light and hope, someone moves it. With my XH things that work one day, don't the next. It drives me crazy. Hope you ended up having an okay weekend after all.
Things mostly went well this weekend. Right now I'm having to learn how to hold back when I finally do see some daylight. My goal for the next little while is to show more constraint and control. I am doing things more for myself, but still taking care of responsibilities around the house. Working hard at controlling crazy making thoughts, for the most part winning. Also, I need to learn to focus on my goals better. To often I let up too early.
I know how hard it is to hold back. I have a huge problem showing constraint when I am feeling hurt and angry. Sometimes I actually succeed, but most times not, I am ashamed to report. I try and console myself that, at least, my H is getting my real feelings. I am, by nature, a very passionate person, and feel things very strongly and deeply. A problem when I love someone, and they seemingly don't love me.
Keep up the good work. I know it's not easy living with someone who is in denial, and is presently lacking any sympathy or warmth. Just keep trying to remember the woman you fell in love with, and the eternal vows you made. One day, she will.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
It's great to have you back. So far I've been doing fairly well on restraint, even though I want to reach out and reconnect with her. However I do realize that it will be on her own time, so I'll let her figure it out. Things seem to be smoothing out over all so I'll just ride the wave and see what happens. I've been keeping myself busy and seeing some successes there.
I hope your new place is nice. I'll have to make my way back up to that part of the woods again some day, it's been way to long. A few people I grew up with I think live in that neck of the woods, I'll have to check.
One thing I find difficult is getting out and doing activities with friends when my R sucks and theirs seems to be great. To often I find myself tired of making excusses for why I really am not in the mood for group activities, to me it just makes the problem stand out. Watching W have better interaction with OM in a group, kind of ticks me off. In a way it's embarassing when the OP figures out that maybe their interaction is irritating me, they feel embarassed and it strains relationships. I like to have friends I can trust, her behavior in this manner only causes mistrust, both with her and the other friends. So as usual I will work on as if.
Feeling a little low today. I better get my head together before W sees me. Although interaction is improving, there has been outside negatives I have had to deal with. Needless to say, my trust has been severely tested. Focus will be the word of the day.
I hear you on the trust issue, Phoenix. Hope you're feeling better by the time you go home. Thinking of you!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
. There was even an AOS afterwards that I don't think she has ever offered before, nothing intimate, just considerate. Caught me off guard, but I responded properly.
