Generally things are in a positive mode. W is now being more midfull of me, even initiating affection occasionally. I am doing all I can to not seem overly excited about changes, but I don't downplay either, just appreciate and validate. Ah, the rollercoaster ride continues.
I sure would like to sit her down today and get some straight answers from her on where things are and where are things headed. But I also know that's not where I should go, so once again I will back off and let things ride. There have been some positives and very few negatives. She has been opening up more and more to me for emotional support and interaction. Even initiating some minor intimacy.
I remember the times I wanted to sit my H down and get some answers too. Usually during the times when it seemed things were good, but not progressing. I was able to bite my tongue and get through because I knew it would just make him uncomfortable and he really needed to feel comfortable with me.
Sounds like your W is getting comfortable. Let it come naturally and be patient. Let her keep leading. You are doing great!
Sorry I've been a little MIA these days. All though there has been some positives, they seem to come with twice as many negatives. I feel my whole life and R are out of control. The changes I have been able to make have helped, however it kills me to be blamed for things I have little or no control over. Basicly, if it's bad, it's my fault. As we were sitting at dinner having an issue with one of the kids, I get the, "I don't know how much longer I can take this". As if my leaving is going to make the children behave well and all problems leave. Obviously W has a real warped conception of how single motherhood is.
Where she ever got the notion I would leave the kids just boggles me. Sometimes things seem to be in better control when I am just dealing with them on my own. However, I do know they need her alot in their lives, so I don't want to take that away. I just get tired of her wounded martyr attitude she has sometimes.
By the way, have you all seen "Shall we Dance". My MIL lent it to us. W might like it even though it might strike a cord. What about "Phone Booth"? That one could scare a few WAS back into shape. Oh, just rent them both.
Working on just sitting and listening when she is trying to tell me stuff/experiences. I think in the past I was usually not slowing down to listen. Too often I get too focused on solving problems or anticipating where things are going that people think I don't care. That's my goal for this coming week. Work on centering my focus around what W is talking about.
Working as hard on myself as I can. Right now fighting resentment to her past actions and statements. Trying to decide if I can truly love completely, someone who has put me through what she has and shows little remorse for what she has done or said to me. I know I have to continue and keep my word and do what's right for the kids, but the person who is suppose to be my best friend I don't feel close to. Some how the bad things said seem to stick very hard when not even an apology or something to prove otherwise is offered.
Today as I was coming back from a night away with some of my kids, I began dreading the rest of the father's day weekend. I suspect there will be little appreciation to me, but we'll make the trip down to FIL, at which point my W will be all hugs and kisses and happy with him. Don't get me wrong, but I suspect my D3 and S6 will be the only ones who really appreciate me tomorrow. No I don't expect much, but the kids do seem to reflect what the W generates some days.
Well that's it for tonight folks. Good luck to all the Dad's out there. My father's day gift, that I will appreciate for this weekend, will be the words of love expressed by my three youngest this weekend. Thank goodness for them.
Just thought I would check in to see what was going on. Had a good R talk last night, not too over confrontational, just need to make sense of something going on. It appears to have worked out all right. Found out some negative comments on my part had caused the problem, I took responsibility for them and we have been doing better today.
Have done some 180s or GALS, accomplished a few things I have wanted to do for a long time. Had a nice long ride on a motorcycle tonight. Gave me strength to make it through the evening. That needs to happen more often.
I haven't been checking in much lately, what with trying to sell our house (still not), and getting ready for the move. We leave on Saturday, and I am terrified of what the future may hold.
Sounds like you are doing better. In your sitch, from my perspective, it seems like you move forward, then a little back, then forward again, and so on. Do you keep a journal? It might help to keep one to check back on progress, or lack thereof. I started one, but don't seem to have the time lately, but will keep trying to write in it from time to time.
Anyway, keep up the GAL - the motorbike ride sounds great!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Yes I do need to get underway with the journal. The motorcycle was great, found it real tough not to just keep driving out of town. But good sense did prevail and I'm still here. The slow as a turle thing is driving me nuts, but I guess I don't have any choice. Thanks for the imput and report.
Thought I better get back on here and post again. We've been off on vacation and have not had much access to a computer. Today was very frustrating, topics covered in church were just like tearing the bandages off the wound. It rips me to know how much I have put into this R and family and then to have W look at it as no big deal. Of course listening to wife tell kids all will be well and then fight off the urge to question, "How do you figure that"?, is sometimes almost too much. But I have learned better here. As much as I just want to go and veg for the rest of the day I will go and do GAL activities.
As much as I love being here on this site, I did enjoy being gone for a vacation. There was some fairly decent time spent with W and Kids. A few positives happend, but I am getting tired of feeling like a roomate instead of a husband. OK, enough venting, back to the real world. Hope all of you are having a succesfull weekend.
